A Giant Treasure in My Life!!

Sometimes we take things for granted, and then there are times when something happens and we learn all over again to appreciate what is near and dear to our heart. See, this is all about affirming people and catching them doing something right?!? On 12/12 I had surgery on my foot. It has been an experience - a lesson in patience and healing, and a time to learn to let others nurture me - the nurturer!! I came home with crutches - and put them aside after a terrible fall five minutes into the house. This guy went to Good Will and found me a walker! He loves to find treasures there. Then he has been fixing meals and bringing them up to me. He is learning how to make all kinds of things and have them ready at about the 'right' time to serve everything together. He has been good spirited, caring and concerned. Then when I thought the walker might be ready to be set aside, well Thrift Village had a cane with feet!! This has been a gradual healing and a giant lesson in patience. If it weren't for my Billy - my husband of 37 years, this would have been even a bigger challenge than it might have been. So, my DARE to AFFIRM today is a GIANT THANK YOU to my gentle spirited husband!! And my message to all of you is to understand that it is ok to trust your care to another, have gratitude for the little things, and count every blessing that comes your way. Happy New Year to all of my friends!!

Reflect on This

Thanks to Paul Zollo, a Flickr photo friend who often posts pictures of amazing people who have stories to share, though they don't often know it. When Paul put one on the web tonight, he had a story with this quote. I just wanted to share it because it is so 'dare to affirmish'
He was writing about a guy with a very 'strong' presence, who was also small in stature. didn't matter...and this is what he said...

I could see how personal presence is not determined by size but by spirit and confidence, and I took this.

It is a lesson for all of us. It is our way of presenting ourselves, our personal presence, that makes all the difference in the world!!

It's How It Makes Us Feel!!

Writing in yellow today because this is a 'bright sunshiny' thought!! I had to share an experience that happened to me the other day. No need to say where or when, just that it was 'good'. Remember we are always saying that it is not what you say but how you make the person feel that is important? Well, we were at an event with a group of people, all known to us. Today for some reason, there was more of a conversation flow and overall, a pleasant atmosphere - 'guests' in someone's house. Just as we were leaving, I was saying good-bye and I heard this comment, quietly directed at me, "I really like how your hair looks!" Now you might think this was not a big deal. Trust me, it was and it was happening to me and it did do a lot to make me feel good - noticed - affirmed - and brought a peaceful ending to the day! I was affirmed as I do unto others, and it felt good!!

Affirming INDIVIDUALITY and AUTHENTICITY

Yesterday we visited our niece at Goucher College in Towson, Maryland. Walking around campus, I was intrigued by the students and their dress. One of the special adventures of higher education, especially at small private colleges, is the journey to discovering self. The young adult is away from home and learning the responsibilities that independence and thinking on her own can bring, can shed who she was and become whoever she chooses to be!! It's a time to truly get comfortable in her skin and know her unique individuality. When we talk about the ten elements of relationship building, Authenticity is one of the factors. It's all about being genuine.
In her book, Life Lessons, Elisabeth Kubler Ross talks about authenticity. "Deep inside of us, we know there is someone we were meant to be. And we can feel when we're becoming that person. We seek to discover who we are and how we can become truly happy. We were put here on earth to learn our own lessons."
Today I choose to affirm Aileen, a junior at Goucher College, who dares to affirm the individual she is and live an authentic life. When I showed a European friend these pictures, he wanted to know if she was dressed for a festival? I said that no, she was dressed for her life for the day and loving every minute of it.
Now, I am thinking about that bag of ties upstairs in my 'project' closet. Hmmmmm.
My message to you...it is important to BE who you are meant to be, express yourself as the unique individual you are, and live life to the fullest. Remember, TODAY is the gift of the precious present!

Gil & Curtis Sail the Seas

His hat is soooooooo the opposite of everything that Gil is! We went sailing on the AJ Meerwald out of Bi-Valve, NJ for a six hour cruise on the Delaware Bay the other day. The day was one that we would have to call 'perfect' - clear, sunny, the right temperatures and the excitement of the expectations of what we might see or do while out on the quiet of the Bay. For one thing, we knew we would be seeing lighthouses that could not be seen from land! Great expectations. For me, as The Photo Schmoozer who likes to 'catch people doing something right', there is always yet another expectation though. I wonder who I will meet and what stories they will have to share. Today was no exception!! Well, ok I admit that I can find stories everyday!! As we were waiting to get on the boat, I saw three people sitting on the bench on the dock. Later, I happened to be sitting next to the female of the group - she had forgotten her seasick medicine so we were just being still together. Soon, she was joined by Gil, her fiance, and Curtis, Gil's little brother from the Big Brothers program. It's Gil I want to affirm because he is so opposite of the hat he was wearing - see the saying on the collage?? "The beatings will continue until morale improves". No way was that him!! First, I have to say, I watched him with Curtis and you could see a caring connection between the two. Turns out they have a 5 year history together. When Gil comes aboard the AJ Meerwald as a volunteer, Curtis is right there with him, working by his side hoisting the sails, taking pictures, or snoozing on the deck!
As we talked, I asked Gil what he did. He shared that he is Executive Director of a Community Health Care agency in South Jersey. I was wearing my DARE to AFFIRM shirt, so we talked about what that was and then Gil began to share his philosophies as the leader of his program. The first thing I have to share is THAT HE REALLY LISTENS!! People talk about an 'open door policy', but his truly is. He goes to staff meetings, meets with all of his managers weekly, and nips problems in the bud by encouraing everyone to be involved in solving them together. I asked if he had always been such an affirming individual? He didn't answer right away, but after reflection, we came together a bit later for another conversation. His experiences in Peace Corp and his degree in Cultural Anthropology plus the wisdom he has gained from life, are some of the other puzzle pieces that make Gil open to people, cultures, values and beliefs. He respects them and in turn, engenders so much respect from all of the employees at the 20+ clinics that serve the working poor. He is amazing; his staff recognize him as such, and his fiance', Betty, loves to spend her time validating him as well! I learned almost as much from her as from him!! Yes, we saw the lighthouses and I came home with some photographs of them, but the experience of meeting Gil, Curtis and Betty was a special event of the cruise.

Play With Me Daddy!!

On a beautiful afternoon, we went to sit by the river, enjoy the beautiful day and just BE. One of my favorite things to do at these times is watch the children and their parents, watch how they 'dance', watch their interactions. Today was no different. This pair was a joy and a treat and 'candy' for my eyes. He was responsive, respectful and allowed her to take the lead with his careful guidance. When I went to say "Hi" - often a treat for me, she hid her face and turned away from me. Dad said, "She is not feeling well today." OK, I respected that and walked away, to watch them from afar. They sat on the bench to snuggle, then wandered down to the river for a change of pace. He was right there, yet allowed her to pick up the stones and throw them into the water. (Gosh, no one I see on the beach at the river - a beach with lots of pebbles - does not throw them into the water. Fascinating.) When she was tired and clung to his leg, he picked her up and quietly talked with her. When she wanted down, he did so and was close by when she wanted to cling to his leg. He watched her, asked what she wanted and adapted his behaviors to make her most secure in her world. He was responsive and she was trusting. Beautiful. At the end of our visit, I asked him if he realized what a great dad he was. He looked at me and grinned! He knew. I definitely caught him doing something right!! YEAH!!

Ten Elements of Relationship Building

"People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges."
This photo I took causes me to pause and reflect about the relationship of the two in the picture and what lies ahead for them as they walk the path of life.
In so much of the work we do with DARE to AFFIRM, we have come to discover that at the heart of living is Relationship Building. When I read books about 'aging well', those who live to be 100+ wake up in the morning with a purpose and look forward to spending time with friends, family & self.
We also know this truth and wisdom : "Have no friends not equal to yourself". We seek to internalize what Francoise de la Rochefoucauld tells us, "If we are incapable of finding peace in ourselves, it is pointless to search elsewhere."
We have designed a series of workshops around the D.A.R.E. theme (read about them on our website www.daretoaffim.com ). At the heart of all of them are the Ten Basic Elements of Relationship Buildilng. When I go out and about and 'become" The Photo Schmoozer, I have come to realize that I am building a relationship with another person. I know that DARE to AFFIRM is the philosophy that guides me. Photo Schmoozer is my special way of putting it all into action. I struggled with which one was 'more important' to me and came to realize that it is not an either choice, but a relationship in iteself. We have created the Ten Elements of Relationship Building. As the weeks go by, I will write about each of them. The first one is TRUST. Many of you know the psychologist, Erik Erikson. He tells us that the infant must learn to trust her world or she will live with mistrust the rest of her days. It is how relationships begin. Some people trust others right away; others say a person must earn trust.
It must be managed carefully. I think the simplest way to do this is to be trustworthy!! If you always do what you say you are going to do, it makes your behavior predictable and I can feel safe around you.
There are many ways to build Trust. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Do no harm and demonstrate that you care about people.
2. Always keep your promises.
3. Always tell the truth and actively maintain your reputation for integrity.
Our society teaches us to be unique, independent individuals. Sometimes, that might work. Sometimes, we need to focus more on being interdependent. As the saying goes, "We may not have it all together; but together we have it all." We talk about our strengths and recognizing other's strengths. Recognizing, respecting and valuing others is a way to be more effective in reaching goals that work for all of us. It is the best way to be responsive and dance through life!!
In the weeks that follow, we will share the other elements of relationship building. Until then, look at youself and your relationships and see how you make trust work for you!!

We ALL Wear Many Hats...

We recently spent three entire days with an infant/toddler staff in Somerset, NJ.
It was a treasure, a pleasure and a challenge. We all learned and grew. We go as facilitators, knowing that we bring a "plan", ideas, acitivities and materials and also knowing that we have to be incredible listeners - open to responding to the cues that come from the participants. See, once again, this is a Parallel Process and we have to "dance" - not only to our own tune, but to the music that comes from the group.
We talked about quality and then needed everyone to really think about ALL of the roles they played - both in the child care program - and in their lives. What fun they all had making and modeling hats (we had a fashion show when we were finished) to show who they were and how they were important...and unique.
We all spent time in their classrooms, learned about the ITERS, and ended up our time together with some action steps for continuous growth. These six individuals came together and began forming as a team. They had not had the opportunity to do this, so we were glad that not only did we get to know them, but they got to begin knowing and understanding each other more.
Everyone caught everyone else doing some things right and for that we are thankful!!

Who are YOU? What do YOU Believe?

LEARNING WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU BELIEVE TAKES TIME, PATIENCE & GOING WITHIN TO LISTEN TO YOUR HEART!!

REFLECT; BE STILL; GO WITHIN; RESPECT; TRUST; LISTEN; AFFIRM

"Every single adult, whether conscious of it or not, has an overarching theory that drives hiw or her childrearing practices. This organizing - or "meta" theory greatly influences how each of us relates to and cares for children". J.R. Lally, Concepts for Care, West Ed, (c) 2006

When you were young, you developed relationships with your parents and other family members. They influenced who you were and what you believed. Then you went to school and learned from your peers and teachers more about who you were in the bigger world and were told what you were to believe. Hopefully by this point in your life and professional development, you have taken all of this information and put it together to create your own ideas!! This is NOT about only sharing the words that you have learned from others, but it is about YOU and your own personal beliefs. Take a minute and reflect on these questions:

What do you know about how the young children in your care grow & develop?

What do you believe about how they must be treated for them to grow into healthy individuals with a strong sense of identity?

How do you use these beliefs to build relationships and dance with children & adults in your life?

When Allison and I do training we work not only to present information but to CREATE AN UNDERSTANDING OF WHO YOU ARE AND WHY YOU DO WHAT YOU DO. YOU, the caregiving adult, are at the heart of quality care and we choose to always respect, affirm, value and nurture YOU. Do you take the time to do that for yourself??

Spanish...French...English

Outside of Borders in Stanton, DE, carrying books to show to anyone who would listen, was the cutest two year old you would want to see. He was dressed in a NY Yankees outfit, complete with buttons that looked like baseballs. His shoes has velcro closures and these too were like the binding on the seams of the baseball. I couldn't help but notice him. "Hey good looking," I said to him. He immediately began to point to the buttons on his outfit and talk to me in a language that only he could understand. I responded to what I thought he might be saying and he continued. My first instinct was to be concerned that his language expression was anything but clear. His mom was standing nearby, and she explained so much to me. It made me realize that we often see or hear and jump to conclusions. What is the truth is this. In the home they speak Spanish and French to the little guy and some English as well. He can jump back and forth between them all often using words from any of the 3 languages. She said he was speaking "Spanglish" to me. When I realized that, I said a few words to him in Spanish. It was about Mickey, Minnie and Goofy on the cover of the book he was carrying. We immediately began to understand each other in Spanish and his language was clearly understandable. I asked his mom if she was at home with him or if he attended child care. I was curious what his language would be like in that situation and how everyone communicated. No, she was a stay at home mom, lucky to be with him. So, I saw a first hand demonstration of what I mostly read - young children and their dual language learning. I read that if one parent speaks in one language and the other parent in the other language, the child will understand and speak both. Yes, it is true from first hand exprience.
I write this today to recognize the lesson I learned about not "assuming" and also about the comfort and openness of his mom as she talked with me about her son and what he was doing. All it takes is an opening statement, affirmations and time to listen.

Theresa the Collaborator

Meet Theresa Caputo and see her many faces!! Behind them all is a heart of gold, a wisdom and understanding that can only come from years of experiences, and a sharing and giving spirit that is her gentle nature. Yesterday we met for lunch at The Painted Cottage in Collingswood, NJ. The outdoor setting was perfect for a "chat and chew". There was quiet conversation all around, light shining "just right" on the plants and a listening presence - a give and take - and true communication. What I saw as I watched and listened, was an individual who is insightful and thoughtful AND a person with a dancing creative spirit that permeates her way of being. It is almost like you can sit and watch the breezes flowing in her mind as she visualizes what she is listening to. It is a treasure and a pleasure to be with her. Theresa is working with Professional Impact New Jersey. Within this organization, she has many opportunities to be the diplomat and collaborator that defines who she is. She creates programs and then finds the perfect people and places to make them happen. The early childhood field is lucky to have Theresa there as an advocate for change.
Today I choose to present her and affirm and value all that she does for the world!! Thank you Theresa!! You are a joy!!

Always Remember...Affirm and Value YOURSELF! as well as Others!

Often we are so busy spending our time affirming, valuing and empowering people in our workshops that we forget to acknowledge ourselves!! I wanted to stop for a minute and reflect on what Allison and I are doing with DARE to AFFIRM and to acknowledge ourselves and our work. We have FUN!! Participants have FUN! Everyone is engaged and our training is interactive. Someone said the other day that we are like "an old married couple" - whatever that means. We role model how we want others to dance. We are always recognizing and reading each other's cues - getting our steps moving to the same music. Sometimes it works incredibly well. Sometimes it is a challenge. No matter what, we are out there, we are together, and we are empowering people. As we guide others to recognize their strengths and hot spots, so do we continue to grow ourselves.
Yeah for US!! YEAH for all who dance with us...and welcome to all of those yet to come.
We love catching people...and ourselves...doing something right!
My point?? In your days filled with "busyness", "crazies" and those who might be less than kind, always remember to stop and BREATHE.
Another lesson...
Q.T.I.P.: Quit Taking It Personally!

Strengths, Affirmations & Experiences

Everyone has STRENGTHS though we don't always know them or acknowledge them. This week DARE to AFFIRM spent an outstanding, thoughtful and FUN day with the staff from the Early Head Start program at Children's Hospital, Philadelphia. Everything we thought about brought us back to the focus of the Dance of Relationships. In the center of this collage are colorful bags. We call these affirmation bags. Rather than ask a person to introduce herself by name and where she works, we choose to take a different approach. Everyone is asked to choose a bag and draw some pictures that represent things about themselves and their lives. Then on the other side, they are asked to write at least three strengths that they bring to work with them and use in their daily lives. Their introduction shares one thing about themselves and a strength. It is the beginning of the day's journey of self-discovery. There are more discussions about strengths and then an unusual task. There are bags and baskets of beads - wooden, foam, plastic of every color. There are also brightly colored shoe laces. The task: make a Life Necklace with the beads that shares your story about where your strengths come from. This group was thoughtful, open and honest. Strengths came from within, family, church, God, nature, the deaths of loved one or other life experiences. No two stories were the same. Many commented that they learned more about their friends and colleagues than they had every known by "being busy" at work and passing in the hall. It was time to stop, be still, reflect and open up communications.
One lesson learned: what was begun today must be taken back to the program. It is up to no one person to carry this forward, but it is the responsibility of a group of unique individuals to be receptive to each other - strengths, challenges and gifts. We know that everyone has caught each other doing something right, and the affirmations will continue as they are guided to strengthen the program.

Felisburto Lights Up His World!!

When I walked into the Paulsboro Head Start program, I could feel an energy there that was different from what I remembered - and it felt good!! I soon realized what it was, or maybe I need to say WHO it was. There is an individual there who shines a light as he opens up to accept and affirm all of the staff and the children in the program. It is exciting to see how he cares for those with whom he works, and even more exciting to see how they respond to him! I asked him what might make the difference with him and how he is. Here is what he said: "Martie, I believe that there is good in every person. I look for it and I see it!" Oh my goodness. Felisburto catches them all doing something right. We went on an adventure together through the center, visiting the classes where the children and the teachers were engaged. The language they used was expansive and caring. There was spontaneous learning taking place throughout the center. One might say it was summer and everything was more "laid back" and maybe that had something to do with it all, but there was more. Ms. Susie, the family worker in the program almost "forever" shared that when people come in looking for good things to be happening, they can find it.

Thanks to all of the children and staff who welcomed me and made my "short" visit keep going. I kept saying, "I have to leave". Finally, I did but looking forward to the next visit we have scheduled in a few weeks.

Marian Dances her way through life!!

Marian is a wonder and a joy and is dancing her way through life! I met her at the Cumberland County Fair as we were walking to see the animals. First I saw the welcoming greeting of her face and the I noticed the ribbon on her chest. I had to know about it and decided to ask. What does it mean? She has been in 4-H for just about 60 years! Amazing! She had stories to tell and I wished I had my handy little notebook with me for recording them. For now, I have to rely on my memory. As a young girl, she began, as many of us do who were involved with 4-H, with cooking and sewing. She baked the cookies and pies and made the aprons and skirts. She had her gardens with vegetables and flowers and then she discovered DANCE. Dance is how Marian has been moving through life for oh so many years now. She was the leader for many clogging groups because music just brings you alive. Now, she no longer dances, but has passed along the tradition to her children and grandchildren. Her granddaughter is the "leader" of the 4-H clogging group now, but Marian is right there with her since they need an adult leader present. Maybe she can't move the body as she used to, but the mind is active and she shares her skills through her words. She only lives a few miles from the Fairgrounds and can just about zip over in her wheelchair.
I know that had we taken more time, there were so many more stories to share. Thanks Marian for all you have done, and continue to do, to add joy and delight to the lives of so many youngester and oldsters. You are a wonder.

QUIET JOY!!!!!

Today I learned a lesson!! I learned that JOY can be quiet...quiet joy...and tears don't always have to be ones of sadness...they too can be tears of joy.
This morning I went out to sit in the garden and watch the bees on the liatris. Their beautiful spikes - growing like weeds in the garden - are a gift. Then I looked over to the milkweed and saw it in every stage of its growth, except for the seed pod that throws off the beautiful skilky seeds. That too will come a bit later...with patience all things come.
After all of this, and watching some kind of red beetles mating on the milkweed, I walked to the back and looked at the one sunflower standing alone, strong, straight and proud. The light was shining on it just so...and I received this image. I call it Tuesday's Treasure and wish you all a HAPPY JULY. All of you, and my friends on http://www.flickr.com/ (I am daretoaffirm) have been warm and accepting and affirming...yet today I AM SATISFIED with the picture in all of its glory even if no one else comments on it!!
I needed to share these lessons with all of you...and with Bill. He is often happy, but his joy and happiness are expressed and felt in quiet ways. when I need to OH WOW the joy, maybe I am disappointed when it is not there and maybe, just maybe I need to be still and present and respect the QUIET JOY.
This is a major growth event for me - a step ahead in the dance of the relationships and adventures of my life. Thanks for listening. It is my wish that you too discover the QUIET JOY that can give your life balance.

On the Road Again!! Dancing with Susan...

The Dance of Relationships is never ending! We all have ENERGY and we all like to have FUN!! Just thought this was a cute way to remind you all of this. What are you doing to dance your way through life?? Hope it is summer fun...safe travel, lots of enjoying nature, and just spending time hanging out with friends. I am off to Albany, NY to spend a few days with my dear friend/colleague Susan Perkins. We are planning to do lots of fun stuff - walks, concerts, and also talk about the layout for the SHOE book!! What?? You haven't heard about it yet?? It's in the works...all about the journey to self discovery and self acceptance as we dance our way through life and relationship building. The fun part will be that the main character is a PAIR OF SHOES and her journey/adventures to learn about herself through relationship buildling!!
Friend Amanda from New Zealand says it needs to be small enough to fit in the purse so that when you are out and about and need a reminder ...just pull out the book and have a look!! More to come when I get back from this adventure on the journey of life. Tah Tah for now!!

He Got It!! Jammin' Together

Perry and Bill Learning and Sharing!!
On a warm Saturday in late June, Bill and I went to the South Shores Music festival at the Cumberland county, NJ, fairgrounds. Since Bill loves his music and has been learning to play the harmonica, he put some of them in his backpack to take along. Since he's not one to play in front of others, he knew he could find a quiet place off to a side and just play along. Today was different!! The fourth group to come on - Home Made JamZ - was incredible. There was Papa Perry (in the pictures above and playing the harmonica), Ryan (16) on the guitar, Kyle (13) on the bass and Taya (9!!!) on the drums. They are billed as the youngest blues band, have made CDs and are on tour. Talking to their Dad, Perry, and their Mom, Trish, is a blessing. They are home schooling the three and just give them guidance and allow them to BE! It shows - and Trish says they are also "typical" siblings, squabbling as they travel to concert dates.
Back to Bill....he was standing with Perry and a few others when I came over and started talking too. I shared that Bill played the "harp" and before I knew it, Perry had lifted the fence to the performers area and he and Bill spent half an hour talking and playing and sharing. Bill wanted to know how to "bend" the notes, and with practice and Perry's watching and guiding, well, HE GOT IT!! You can see the look on both of their faces. So proud and excited!
Later, sitting at a picnic table, Bill took out his harmonica and played along with the music. Another musician was standing nearby and came over to tell Bill how good his playing sounded! What an amazing day - what a day full of kindness and affirmations. What a reinforcement about the goodness of people!
Reach out...share...talk...listen...and you just don't know what stories and lessons will come your way.

Meet Taya Perry: 9 and an Incredible Drummer!!

Lazy Hazy Days of Summer!! Be JOYFUL!!

What an incredible view! Recently I was in Woodstown,NJ to meet friend for lunch at Beans Coffee Shop - a treat in itself! Since the day was spectacular, I decided to arrive early and just sit outside and see...reflect on life, the gifts we are given, and just the simplicity and beauty of it all. Today was a JOY. Beans had several tables and brightly colored umbrellas out front. I sat and watched the clouds, the people and everything all around me. I didn't want to miss a single gift I was receiving!! Rather than just looking out and about, somehow I had the thought to look UP. WOW. The rainbow of colors and designs from the umbrella - looking at it from underneath rather than straight on from afar was eye popping! It just made me want to get up and dance!! No, I restrained myself. Then I turned and looked at the reflections in the windows...all of the little squares with circles within. The guy without the shirt...just staying cool in the summer heat. Then I looked across the street to the local grocery/newstand and saw the person I decided to call the "unofficial mayor of Woodstown". He had on the coolest blue and white "dancing" shoes and I watched as he greeted everyone who passed by. I found out that he is often there and is known and knows everyone!! What a spirit of life. The final joy of the moment - of course, before JoAnne arrived - was to look on the table and see the reflections in my sunglasses. Too cool!! Since I have been so engaged in photography, I have become much more aware of colors, true, but even more, I am aware of how many reflections there are everywhere. It gives me pause - has slowed me down, and allows me to reflect on life in all of its glory.
Do you take the time to stop, be still and reflect!?! It is a gift we are all given if we just open the box of the "precious present" and accept. Try it...somehow it fits with the slower days of summer.

Eyes: Windows of the Soul

When I first meeet a person, it is his or her eyes that stand out to me. Do you notice these? I can tell so much:

• I can see an essence that describes what is going on inside...
• I can see if this is an open and communicative person who looks you right in the eye...
• I can see if this is a person to be trusted...
• I can see joy or sadness...
• I can see a sense of confidence...or not
• I can sense a willingness ...
• I can meet a new friend...

The assignment in the photography class was a portrait with natural light. Once I saw Beth's eyes - the top left picture in the collage, I had a focus for myself for the evening. Being the individual that I am, I followed my path and looked into the eyes of those in the group.

What do you see? Do you look at people's eyes? Can you learn from what you see? If you never have, try it. It can be pretty amazing.

Right Brained Curiosity to CREATE!!

What do I have here? What do I see? What can I do with this? And what else can I do with it? It is amazing...ALL of the POSSIBILITIES that I see!! We always talk about learning taking place every day in every way. I watched Bob as he was thinking about taking a picture...thinking of all of the possibilities of the camera, the light, the subject and whatever else might come to his "right brained" mind. It was a fascinating study as I could just about see his mind in operation.
Bob and I talk a lot about the TAO of photography...the zen of being...and just BEING in the present moment. Everyone would do well to begin this practice - just sit, look, listen, and well, take pictures without a camera. This way they are imprinted in your heart and will always be present for you.
Recently I discovered a photographer in Los Angeles who takes pictures of the homeless and shares their stories with folks who sign on to www.flickr.com. Why I write about this. To me, Paul shows once again how the Dance of Relationships is everywhere. He has through his unique style, developed a TRUST with people who allow him to photograph them and share their lives. I am not there to see exactly what he does, but my guess is that he offers them RESPECT, attention and affirmation of their worth to him.
It only takes a second to acknowledge another, offer a smile or a kind word...and never know how you might have made them feel.
DARE to AFFIRM and have a wonderful week - for yourself and for those whose lives you touch.

Dancing Their Way Through LIFE...One Step at a Time

What are they doing?? What is the meaning of all of this? What do I see and why do I share this?? SHOES...from the first spark - the orange and pink laces in New Brunswick, Canada 4 years ago, I have been noticing and photographing the shoes that others CHOOSE to wear - and yes, we have choices ...usually. This past weekend, while at the Pitman Craft Show, I took close to 200 more views of people's feet. It is NOT the shoes, but the stories and the conversations that I have that are a big part of my reason for doing this. NO ONE (well, one guy last week in a coffee shop) has refused my request. See, I start out with AFFIRMING them..."You have great shoes. Can I take a picture of them to add to my collection?" I share with them that I am writing a book about shoes...how the shoes are in some ways a metaphor for life (thanks Bob!!) and also how they allow us to express our uniqueness and our diversity!! Same...yet different. It is how we all our...we are human beings and then unique individuals. We vary in physical appearance, behaviors, temperaments and the "baggage" and history that we bring to any relationship. See, it IS all a dance. Sometimes we trip over our own feet trying to dance. Sometimes we flow gracefully around the floor, often with a partner...or not. It is WONDERFUL!!
Now I have taken some of the shoe pictures and made them into cards. When I take a picture, I now have an AFFIRMATION CARD to give to people to say THANKS and to share that I have "caught thems doing something right."
People are responding to our workshop topics and asking us to facilitate sessions for them, the shoe collection is growing, and through Flickr.com and my friends there, I learn to value and appreciate affirmations I receive and those I can share with others.
See, all over the world, IT IS A DANCE!! Put on your shoes and get going. Then write and tell us how catchthemright@aol.com

Painting Our World...One Stroke at a Time!!

Today I met Heather and Patti , "COLOR ME HAPPY" face painters, at the Pitman,NJ craft show. I want to share with you what FUN we had getting to know one another!! It all started out as I was watching Heather paint the design on Patti's face) and Patti asked me to take a few pictures with her camera for them. I said, "Of course, and then can I take some for me too?"Being my usual self, I watched...waited and saw what they were doing before I took any action. Then I saw their total joy at what they were doing - their friendship with each other, and their eager anticipation for what the day would bring - and the gifts they would offer others. Wonderful!! I had taken a few pictures and...along came Joe!! Well, let me tell you, Joe was eager to share that he was a "photographer" and had just spent a LOT of $$ for his new Nikon single lens reflex camera. OK for him...not necessary for me. Personally I take my best pictures with a Fuji FinePix 31fd. It's what is called a "point and shoot" camera and it is always with me since it fits right in my pocket!! Joe took one picture of them and gave them his email/website if they wanted the picture. Then he was off. I spent about 20 minutes with them and took about 20 pictures!! Why do I tell you this story? It is so "out there" in the world. People are interested in who they are, what they have and what they are doing. Nothing else. For me, it is a different approach and for me, as you who read this know, it is about AFFIRMING, NURTURING and "catching them doing something right". I went to the craft show today with an open mind thinking of who I would meet, what I would see, new friends I would gather, and stories I would have to tell. Patti and Heather, well, Joe too, were all part of today. Besides that, I saw incredible shoe pictures and brought home more than 200 more for the collection. Have I shared that we are developing the idea for a book - or maybe more than one about Unity and Diversity using shoe photos?? Well...now I have. We are going to post some of the shoe pictures on the web-site and asking all of you to send us your shoe pictures that tell us about YOU. How do your shoes show that YOU are a UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL??? Let us hear from you...and thanks. catchthemright@aol.com See ya again real soon!!
ps...want them to come to your party or event?? colormehappyface@hotmail.com

Stopping to SEE...Reflect and Relate

The Perfection of Imperfection...

I have been spending a lot of time with photography and reflecting on the connections between it and DARE to AFFIRM. What I realize is that when I am just still and appreciative as I observe nature, I see and feel the energy of what is around me without trying at all to judge or have preconceived notions. When this happens, life flows smoothly and I feel at peace. When I am unsettled, I try to "shoot" the perfect picture and end up with nothing I am satisfied with. The other morning, I visited our garden...just so see and receive. This rose bush showed me its beauty in all of its colors and stages of being. There was perfection in the imperfection. Every part of the plant was unique, just like we all are as individuals. Even the thorns, the tight buds and the bugs, were a part of nature's plan that showed itself to me. It had strengths and challenges.

Later in the morning, I thought about facilitating classes and workshops and even back to the times when I was a classroom teacher. When I was still and settled, meeting the group with love and an open mind to receive from them, the sessions flowed with loving respect. When I was "uptight", the flow was not the same. I discovered TEACHABLE MOMENT S in all of these lessons from nature. For me. it connected me to who I am, what I see and what I do. I am filled with gratitude.

Do you have similar stories to share with me? catchthemright@aol.com I would love to hear from you.

REMEMBERING MOM...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

This wild violet was growing in our yard and part of my early morning discovery the other day. It revealed itself to me in all of its simplicity and also opened up some memories stored in my heart. These flowers always bloom for Mother's Day and every year I would make a bouquet for Mom of these violets. She loved them. She also loved iris as her favorite flower. She couldn't tell me why but just did. Now as I write this message for Mom, I realize that I have shared the violet picture and am looking out at my garden just filled with iris in bloom. Coincidence? What do you think?? I think NOT. It is the synchronicities of life that are always present for us when we are open and still and pay attention to them.

My greatest Mother's Day gift this year is that Jon will be coming "home" from Japan to spend 12 days in NJ. We will reconnect, store up hugs to last until next time, and just generally hang out and BE together. After all, isn't that a big piece of what relationships are all about!!!?!?!?!? I wish all of our readers a wonderful, peaceful Mother's Day and hope that you take the time to NURTURE AND AFFIRM YOURSELF as much as I hope your family will take the time to NURTURE AND AFFIRM YOU.

Dancing with My Sister...A Gift

As I grow older and wiser, I come to recognize the treasures in my life. They are NOT things, but people and those with whom I dance. These relationships are so present in my heart. One of these special people is my sister Lisa. We are 9 years apart, so growing up, we were somewhat like strangers in each other's lives. When I left for college at 17, she was 8. What did we have in common except the same parents and other family...and growing up at the NJ seashore.
As the years have gone by, I have come to see so many similarities. In some ways, I chuckle and think we could be fraternal twins born 9 years apart!
Can you believe, Mom could not tell who it was on the phone. We sound alike. We also got our love of life, our people skills and a spontaneity and zest for living as a gift from our Dad. Wish he were here to see us and our kids growing so much older and wiser in the past 25 years. We still miss him and his ways.
Why do I write about Lisa today? She shared a story with me last night that is so "DARE to AFFIRMish". She recently spent time with a few other families and one of the moms was not the most nurturing and affirming person with her young teen. Lisa saw this happening, empathized and decided to be positive with the daughter. At one point, the mom said to Lisa, "I know what you are doing!! I am not always positive and you have been that way for my daughter." To me, that was a powerful step that Lisa's behavior was recognized and even valued. Isn't role modeling one of the best ways to subtly guide other people's behaviors - and if we are lucky, even make changes!?!?
It is important to me to affirm my sister and appreciate how much she "gets" DARE to AFFIRM and the values and lessons that are so important to me.
She truly knows how to "catch them doing something right." Thanks Lisa Hope for the gifts you give to me.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. in Many Languages

Saturday at 6:15, I left Pitman to head to a Week of the Young Child Conference in Delaware where we were scheduled to present a training workshop that we called R.E.S.P.E.C.T. It was designed to give pause, think what the word was all about and how to truly practice it for the good of ALL! I was less than 10 minutes from home when I was greeted by a sight that made me stop and pause, filled with gratitude and respect for the beauty of nature and the gift I had been given! I am not usually out and about to see the sunrise, let alone one as spectacular as this. I just knew that the day would be filled with treasures and our hearts were about to be filled with so many new friends. And that it was. Read on.
There are so many "keys" that unlock the treasure chest of RESPECT. One of the fun parts of our training workshops is to create materials that are visual representations of what we are doing - and then engage people in movement and hands on activities as they internalized the concepts.
We started out with quotes about respect, encouraging each of the groups to develop a definition to share what this word meant for self, others and non-people/the environment. The responses were thoughtful. We want to share a few ideas:
1. To be humble, love yourself, and have high self-esteem. As you give it to others, you will receive it back ten fold.
2. Affirming and treating others as you want to be treated.
3. Being honest with yourself and loyal to others.
4. Help all and hinder none!
Then we had so much fun with the "Keys of Respect" exploring together ( and getting a bit rowdy at times) to see which ones opened the treasure chest of respect. We have a list of 30 we created and would be happy to send them to anyone who sends us an email request: catchthemright@aol.com
We ended the session creating a Bill of Respect that the participants created together - what they would take with them as guidelines and reminders for building respectful relationshps.
PREAMBLE: We, the Nation of Nurturers, in order to form a more perfect society, establish respect, ensure harmony & tranquility, provide for common understanding, promote affirmation of self & others, and secure self-worth for all, do create this Bill of Respect.
1. Be an individual and allow it in others.
2. Listen well to yourself and others.
3. Provide equity, fairness & consistent rules for all.
4. Be trusting and trustworthy/loyal.
5. Be still and notice: Watch, Ask and Adapt.
6. Be kind and caring.
7. Respect boundaries.
8. Be truthful.
9. Respect yourself, your community and the environment.
10. Accept responsibility.
This list is in no way final - only what two groups of people on a beautiful Saturday in April created for themselves and others.
They noted that Respect is really the Golden Rule.
We take it one step further: Do unto others what you want others to do unto others.
CATCH THEM DOING SOMETHING RIGHT.

Connections: Delaware AEYC & Beth Inter

Organization, Responsiveness and Efficiency are the first words to come to mind when one thinks of Beth Inter. Beyond that there is warmth, smiles and caring!! You only have to know and work with Beth for a short time to see all of these characteristics and you count your blessings that she is on your team!! It is easy to "catch her doing something right!!"
Beth is part of the leadership team at the University of Delaware's Early Learning Center and an active member of the Delaware Association for the Education of Young Children (DAEYC)
Why is she so special? Well, you have already read some of the descriptors for Beth, but we want to recognize one of the special projects she has rebirthed for DAEYC. In yesterday's mail, we received the Spring 2008 issue of "Small Wonders", DAEYC's newsletter. Why is this special for early childhood professionals in Delaware? It is a forum for members to contribute their ideas and happenings and a way to become involved in the early care and education life in Delaware. This had been missing in people's mailboxes for awhile and thanks to Beth, it is again coming on a regular basis. It is her energy and commitment that has made this happen, but even more her ability to network with other professionals to make the production a group effort.
Join with Martie, Allison (DARE to AFFIRM) and so many other Delaware early care and education professionals to celebrate the Week of the Young Child on April 19's conference at Delaware Technical & Community College's Terry Campus in Dover.
WE will be dancing to Aretha as we celebrate RESPECT for ourselves and one another.

The Children's Message to the World!

This message says it all - what the world needs NOW and what the children of the Mullica Hill Friends School wish for everyone! Bill and I were out seeking "photo ops" and this one just happened to be right there for us!! Thank you to the children for undertaking this project and sharing it with the world.
As we enter into Spring - the season for new growth and new hopes - as well as the welcoming back of our "old friends" - the spectacular flowers, birds and butterflies, let's open our hearts to the children's message and wish for world peace. Let us allow people to be who they are, believe as they do, and develop more of an understanding and respect for those who are different from them.
We remember Friends School fondly. Our son, Jon, spent some formative years there with many special teachers - Delores, Anne, Margie and Randy. They recognized his strengths and nurtured him as the unique individual that he is. We can be sure that they were partners with Bill and me in developing this truly amazing person. We are grateful!!
As we travel out and about with DARE to AFFIRM, Allison and I are meeting so many of you who exemplify the same nurturing, trust, caring and compassion.
May we wish that you continue your wonderful work and share the message with the world.
Dance in Relaltionships and "CATCH THEM DOING SOMETHING RIGHT"!!

LISTEN!! REALLY LISTEN!!!

The assignment for the photography class was a "Creative Self-Portrait"! What to do? How could I express myself in a way that was different yet showed who I was and what was important to me?? I sat with the camera pointed at me and started shooting. One picture was of my ear wearing a "simple" pair of earrings. Hmmmmmmm. Then the thought came to me from somewhere deep within...why not take more pictures with different earrings?!? For the next minutes or hours...I got lost in time, I did just that and this is what resulted. What does it show about me? For one thing, I find unusual earrings FUN to wear. For another thing, I am learning more and more to be a good listener. No, that is not always an easy thing for me or many others in my life. Did you ever notice how so many people say they are "listening" but truly are only hearing your words and waiting for a quick break in the conversation so they can begin talking about their favorite subject...themselves!! How often have Bill and I gone out to a social gathering and come home knowing lots about many people there and realizing they know little if anything about us?!?
So what does it mean to be a good listener? Here are some of the thoughts I would like to share about that. It is not enough to remain silent while others are talking; this is not listening in any true sense.
1. Focus on the other person - not allowing yourself to be distracted by what is going on around you OR listening to your own thoughts or concerns.
2. Show you are listening by appearing interested, leaning slightly forwrd, nodding occasionally and acknowledging at intervals.
3. Find some aspect of what the person is saying to be genuinely interested in.
4. Make and maintain eye contact - yet break it occasionally so that the other person doesn't feel under the microscope.
5. Subtly mirror the other person - smiling, frown, modding and laughing when they do.
Anyone can hear. It takes brains to listen!
Research has shown that ineffective listening habits present the most common barriers to success in relationships.
Let me mention another word that gets in the way of listening and true understanding. I call it the "A" word and it often gets people into trouble.
Have you ever said, "Well I "A"ssumed that...
then a situation occurs and what you assumed is not true...and every0ne can be embarrassed?!?
I have learned to ask questioins for clarification. I know it sometimes annoys people because it seems like I am "nit picking" , but for me, as I remember something that Stephen Covey said - it is about first understanding before I can be understood. "Let me be clear about what you are saying".
Allison and I have designed a variety of workshops for relationship building with DARE to AFFIRM and relationship building through LISTENING is an important topic to us.
We understand that we are in our own "learning laboratory" as we do this work and practice our dance steps. Sometimes it can be challenging and we are always open to growth!!
Join us on our journey.
HAPPY SPRING!!

Best Friends on an Adventure

The Picture that started it all!!

Best Friends...yet such Individuals!!
Four years ago, Bill and I journeyed out on yet another of our Epic Adventures - this time to the Maritime Provinces of Canada for a month: New Brunswick, Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island. At a lobster festival in New Brunswick (I got my picture taken with the lobster king and it was in the local newspaper the next day), I saw a young woman walking toward me with the "coolest" shoes. They were white sneakers BUT the amazing experience was how she expressed her individuality!! The shoe laces were big and bold and different. One was flurescent pink...the other - fluorescent orange! I stopped right where I was and just looked and looked. Then I stopped her and her friend and chatted with them. I told her I found her shoelaces soooooooooo exciting and could I take a picture??!?! She and her friend laughed and said "sure". Little did I know that this picture would start me on yet another kind of epic adventure. Since then, I can't help but notice people's shoes and their styles.
I have come to realize that in one way, everyone is the same because they all wear shoes. Yet, I have also come to realize that each person is so unique and that their shoe choices express their uniqueness and individuality!!
They represent choices...comfort...appearance...color...style...types of materials...laces...velcro...slip ons...boots...heels or flats...and I could go on and on and on. Instead of using words ...yet...to tell about the shoes, I take pictures. It is so much fun to "chat people up", compliment them on their "cool" shoes and then tell them about my project. We laugh together and then they are pleased to provide me with a photo op!! Some are concerned that they haven't had a pedicure lately and only twice has anyone said no. I could almost tell before I even asked that this would happen. It's just my intuition at work.
Now, I am still finding unique shoes...like the ones I saw just yesterday at the Trenton train station and you see here. I asked if they were "best friends" out on an adventure and they immediately said "YES". I then pointed out how they could be best friends and yet express their uniqueness - boots, awesome colored sneakers and flip flops with red painted nails. It is a great conversation time for me with people (one of my favorite things to do) and people truly LOVE the attention. In my way, I am CATCHING THEM DOING SOMETHING RIGHT - making a shoe choice and expressing themselves through their choices - and I am affirming them for it!! It is such a WIN WIN situation!!

New Dancing Partners!!

We can find Dancing Partners and build relationships anywhere! The latest is once again a group of unique individuals, who have gathered together to learn a bit about the technicalities of photography but more important to use their right brains, trust their intuition and see the world with child-like wonder. That is the way to capture the best photos!!
Photography is a great way to live the DARE to AFFIRM process. First we have to Discover ourselves and our strengths. Some people take "big" shots of what they see - everything has to be in the picture, while others begin to trust and look at the smaller details that make up the whole picture. Neither one is right or wrong. It is only what suits the person at the time s/he is taking the picture. The beauty is with a digital camera, we can "catch people doing something right" and if it does not come out...well delete and move on!! There is no such thing as perfection!!
Then there is the "A" in the DARE to AFFIRM process - that is to acknowledge and affirm others. Everyone needs to know that his/her pictures are great - because they all are! Some might be not as clear as the takers thought, but the best part is that they took action and captured the moment. I wonder how many programs that build relationships have digital cameras now to capture people doing something right and record it!?!
The "R" in the DARE to AFFIRM process is the Relationship building. Last night almost 20 people came together in a group facilitated by Bob Reid. Only a few knew a few others. You can bet that by the end of the 6 weeks, there will be bunches of relationships built, photo ops shared and pictures displayed. Once people know that everyone is always doing his/her best, well, the dance goes on! One person did not even know how to use her flash while others had their "big fancy" single lens reflex (SLR) cameras and were pros. Aaah the beauty of the unity of the group and the respect for individual skills.
The "E" in the DARE to AFFIRM process is the Encouraging and Empowering that Bob and the class members have already done - and will continue to do with each other.
When we began DARE to AFFIRM, well, it was for building relationships to get to quality in child care. Still is but as we go on with this, we realize that the MESSAGE IS UNIVERSAL and we all need to live...and spread it.

We want YOU to send us your contest entries (see website for info http://www.daretoaffim.com/) and send your words ...and your pictures. We want to share your stories with the rest of the world!! catchthemright@aol.com
Remember every day in every way, YOU make a difference in the lives of others...

Debbie Discovers the Dance of Relationships!

Read Aloud Delaware is about "giving kids a reading start. The single most important activity for building the knowledge required for eventual success in reading, is reading aloud to children - even when they are very young."

The organization is dedicated to the promotion of reading in Delaware. They are the only statewide organization focusing attention on the critical early years of child development. They promote reading aloud to children to encourage a love of books and a desire to become a reader. YEAH for all they do!!

Read Aloud Delaware builds relationships! What a perfect fit for DARE to AFFIRM. When Jennifer Bobel, the conference coordinator called to ask if we knew anyone who could do a workshop especially designed for those who worked with infants and toddlers, WE said, "Why not us?" We submitted "Love, Language & Emergent Literacy: Pathways to Emotional Development in Infants and Toddlers". We all know that there are sooooooooo many connections between language, literacy and social-emotional development. We wanted to share that information with conference participants. Saturday, March 8, 2008, we did just that!! We joined with over 700 staff, volunteers and participants to enjoy the keynote address by Mem Fox-the Australian author of "Reading Magic" and over 20 children's books. Then it was time for our workshops. The stage was well set by our welcoming hostess - Debbie Street. She had read our web-site, so as I walked down the hall, I heard "Hi Dr. Mollenhauer." Debbie had recognized me from the photo on the web-site and blog. Some of the Read Aloud board members had already shared with me that Debbie was warm and friendly. I knew this had to be her!! She was there for us throughout the day - setting up, joining in the sessions, and finding photo ops!! We are thankful to her for using many of her strengths with us. WE felt welcomed.

A highlight for Debbie was learning to "do the Dance of Relationships". Often in our training, we invite participants to join us in the Hand Dance. Yesterday was no exception. It's a powerful learning experience about relationships. The dancers engage in being the leader, being the follower and then seeing what happens when there is no leader and no follower. When you attend one of our training sessions, you will understand this more clearly and see which "works best". See the picture of Debbie dancing to understand that she was "getting it". Being a licensed clinical social worker made the learning experience simpler for her.

There was another learning experience yesterday as well. When we talked about social-emotional development for infants and toddlers, Erik Erikson's eight stages of psycho-social development-especially the first two - were a central focus of our discussion. Erikson viewed each stage as a struggle, a crisis to be negotiated before continuing to the next stage. Each future step is influenced by the previous one. The stages most important to infant toddler development are the first two. The first stage is the struggle to develop a sense of trust in the world -to know that it is a safe and responsive place. If this does not happen, the child develops a sense of mistrust in his/her world. The second stage of Erikson's theory relates to feelings of autonomy versus shame and doubt. The struggle to hold on or to let go is evident at this stage. Feelings of autonomy/independence emerge from successful experiences with choosing when to hold on and when to let go, and from many successful expwriences in letting go. Growth in physical development contributes to feelings of autonomy. If this does not happen, the child feels a sense of shame and doubt.

The Participants had "heard" of Erikson, but no one could share the stages and what they meant to successful infant/toddler development. This happened in both groups and Debbie was amazed. As a social worker, Erikson and relationships was so clear to her. Hopefully, after the lessons learned in the training, our "dancers" also have a clarity of understanding and can explain Erikson and what infants and toddlers need. It's not about knowing his name, but about understanding WHY what he says is so critical in relationship building with infants and toddlers and each other.

DARE to AFFIRM thanks Debbie Street, Read Aloud Delaware and all of the participants who joined us to share, listen and learn. We are facilitators and there to learn from one another.

Always the Optimist!!

Every day when I go out into the world, I open my eyes wide, look around me, and am amazed at what I can find. I am an optimist who looks for the beauty and believes the best about people! Would the DARE to AFFIRM philosophy have been born without this approach? You bet not! Right now, I am looking for signs of Spring. Last week, I saw some leaves ready to pop open. A few days ago, I saw these daffodils bravely popping up through the snow and today I saw pussy willows with their little furry buds!! What more can a girl ask for?!? Well...
Allison and I have been working on creating so many training topics. We have developed these in each of the four categories of the DARE to AFFIRM process - Discovering and Nurturing Self
Affirming others
Respecting and Relating
Engaging, Encouraging and Empowering
As Spring is coming - of this we can be sure, we are heading out on the confernce circuit in NJ, DE, and PA! Soon we hope to add NY and MD!! We will be meeting and greeing thousands of like minded spirits, networking with fellow presenters, and gathering lots of stories for the Blog and our training.
Today we spent the day developing the content for TOUCH training. It's awesome how many ways we touch and are touched - spiritually, emotionally and physically. Touch is so central to relationship building.
We look forward to meeting and greeting so many of YOU in our travels.
Thanks for being so supportive and believing in our message. Your words to us definitely let us know that we are doing important things!!