The Children's Message to the World!

This message says it all - what the world needs NOW and what the children of the Mullica Hill Friends School wish for everyone! Bill and I were out seeking "photo ops" and this one just happened to be right there for us!! Thank you to the children for undertaking this project and sharing it with the world.
As we enter into Spring - the season for new growth and new hopes - as well as the welcoming back of our "old friends" - the spectacular flowers, birds and butterflies, let's open our hearts to the children's message and wish for world peace. Let us allow people to be who they are, believe as they do, and develop more of an understanding and respect for those who are different from them.
We remember Friends School fondly. Our son, Jon, spent some formative years there with many special teachers - Delores, Anne, Margie and Randy. They recognized his strengths and nurtured him as the unique individual that he is. We can be sure that they were partners with Bill and me in developing this truly amazing person. We are grateful!!
As we travel out and about with DARE to AFFIRM, Allison and I are meeting so many of you who exemplify the same nurturing, trust, caring and compassion.
May we wish that you continue your wonderful work and share the message with the world.
Dance in Relaltionships and "CATCH THEM DOING SOMETHING RIGHT"!!

LISTEN!! REALLY LISTEN!!!

The assignment for the photography class was a "Creative Self-Portrait"! What to do? How could I express myself in a way that was different yet showed who I was and what was important to me?? I sat with the camera pointed at me and started shooting. One picture was of my ear wearing a "simple" pair of earrings. Hmmmmmmm. Then the thought came to me from somewhere deep within...why not take more pictures with different earrings?!? For the next minutes or hours...I got lost in time, I did just that and this is what resulted. What does it show about me? For one thing, I find unusual earrings FUN to wear. For another thing, I am learning more and more to be a good listener. No, that is not always an easy thing for me or many others in my life. Did you ever notice how so many people say they are "listening" but truly are only hearing your words and waiting for a quick break in the conversation so they can begin talking about their favorite subject...themselves!! How often have Bill and I gone out to a social gathering and come home knowing lots about many people there and realizing they know little if anything about us?!?
So what does it mean to be a good listener? Here are some of the thoughts I would like to share about that. It is not enough to remain silent while others are talking; this is not listening in any true sense.
1. Focus on the other person - not allowing yourself to be distracted by what is going on around you OR listening to your own thoughts or concerns.
2. Show you are listening by appearing interested, leaning slightly forwrd, nodding occasionally and acknowledging at intervals.
3. Find some aspect of what the person is saying to be genuinely interested in.
4. Make and maintain eye contact - yet break it occasionally so that the other person doesn't feel under the microscope.
5. Subtly mirror the other person - smiling, frown, modding and laughing when they do.
Anyone can hear. It takes brains to listen!
Research has shown that ineffective listening habits present the most common barriers to success in relationships.
Let me mention another word that gets in the way of listening and true understanding. I call it the "A" word and it often gets people into trouble.
Have you ever said, "Well I "A"ssumed that...
then a situation occurs and what you assumed is not true...and every0ne can be embarrassed?!?
I have learned to ask questioins for clarification. I know it sometimes annoys people because it seems like I am "nit picking" , but for me, as I remember something that Stephen Covey said - it is about first understanding before I can be understood. "Let me be clear about what you are saying".
Allison and I have designed a variety of workshops for relationship building with DARE to AFFIRM and relationship building through LISTENING is an important topic to us.
We understand that we are in our own "learning laboratory" as we do this work and practice our dance steps. Sometimes it can be challenging and we are always open to growth!!
Join us on our journey.
HAPPY SPRING!!

Best Friends on an Adventure

The Picture that started it all!!

Best Friends...yet such Individuals!!
Four years ago, Bill and I journeyed out on yet another of our Epic Adventures - this time to the Maritime Provinces of Canada for a month: New Brunswick, Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island. At a lobster festival in New Brunswick (I got my picture taken with the lobster king and it was in the local newspaper the next day), I saw a young woman walking toward me with the "coolest" shoes. They were white sneakers BUT the amazing experience was how she expressed her individuality!! The shoe laces were big and bold and different. One was flurescent pink...the other - fluorescent orange! I stopped right where I was and just looked and looked. Then I stopped her and her friend and chatted with them. I told her I found her shoelaces soooooooooo exciting and could I take a picture??!?! She and her friend laughed and said "sure". Little did I know that this picture would start me on yet another kind of epic adventure. Since then, I can't help but notice people's shoes and their styles.
I have come to realize that in one way, everyone is the same because they all wear shoes. Yet, I have also come to realize that each person is so unique and that their shoe choices express their uniqueness and individuality!!
They represent choices...comfort...appearance...color...style...types of materials...laces...velcro...slip ons...boots...heels or flats...and I could go on and on and on. Instead of using words ...yet...to tell about the shoes, I take pictures. It is so much fun to "chat people up", compliment them on their "cool" shoes and then tell them about my project. We laugh together and then they are pleased to provide me with a photo op!! Some are concerned that they haven't had a pedicure lately and only twice has anyone said no. I could almost tell before I even asked that this would happen. It's just my intuition at work.
Now, I am still finding unique shoes...like the ones I saw just yesterday at the Trenton train station and you see here. I asked if they were "best friends" out on an adventure and they immediately said "YES". I then pointed out how they could be best friends and yet express their uniqueness - boots, awesome colored sneakers and flip flops with red painted nails. It is a great conversation time for me with people (one of my favorite things to do) and people truly LOVE the attention. In my way, I am CATCHING THEM DOING SOMETHING RIGHT - making a shoe choice and expressing themselves through their choices - and I am affirming them for it!! It is such a WIN WIN situation!!

New Dancing Partners!!

We can find Dancing Partners and build relationships anywhere! The latest is once again a group of unique individuals, who have gathered together to learn a bit about the technicalities of photography but more important to use their right brains, trust their intuition and see the world with child-like wonder. That is the way to capture the best photos!!
Photography is a great way to live the DARE to AFFIRM process. First we have to Discover ourselves and our strengths. Some people take "big" shots of what they see - everything has to be in the picture, while others begin to trust and look at the smaller details that make up the whole picture. Neither one is right or wrong. It is only what suits the person at the time s/he is taking the picture. The beauty is with a digital camera, we can "catch people doing something right" and if it does not come out...well delete and move on!! There is no such thing as perfection!!
Then there is the "A" in the DARE to AFFIRM process - that is to acknowledge and affirm others. Everyone needs to know that his/her pictures are great - because they all are! Some might be not as clear as the takers thought, but the best part is that they took action and captured the moment. I wonder how many programs that build relationships have digital cameras now to capture people doing something right and record it!?!
The "R" in the DARE to AFFIRM process is the Relationship building. Last night almost 20 people came together in a group facilitated by Bob Reid. Only a few knew a few others. You can bet that by the end of the 6 weeks, there will be bunches of relationships built, photo ops shared and pictures displayed. Once people know that everyone is always doing his/her best, well, the dance goes on! One person did not even know how to use her flash while others had their "big fancy" single lens reflex (SLR) cameras and were pros. Aaah the beauty of the unity of the group and the respect for individual skills.
The "E" in the DARE to AFFIRM process is the Encouraging and Empowering that Bob and the class members have already done - and will continue to do with each other.
When we began DARE to AFFIRM, well, it was for building relationships to get to quality in child care. Still is but as we go on with this, we realize that the MESSAGE IS UNIVERSAL and we all need to live...and spread it.

We want YOU to send us your contest entries (see website for info http://www.daretoaffim.com/) and send your words ...and your pictures. We want to share your stories with the rest of the world!! catchthemright@aol.com
Remember every day in every way, YOU make a difference in the lives of others...

Debbie Discovers the Dance of Relationships!

Read Aloud Delaware is about "giving kids a reading start. The single most important activity for building the knowledge required for eventual success in reading, is reading aloud to children - even when they are very young."

The organization is dedicated to the promotion of reading in Delaware. They are the only statewide organization focusing attention on the critical early years of child development. They promote reading aloud to children to encourage a love of books and a desire to become a reader. YEAH for all they do!!

Read Aloud Delaware builds relationships! What a perfect fit for DARE to AFFIRM. When Jennifer Bobel, the conference coordinator called to ask if we knew anyone who could do a workshop especially designed for those who worked with infants and toddlers, WE said, "Why not us?" We submitted "Love, Language & Emergent Literacy: Pathways to Emotional Development in Infants and Toddlers". We all know that there are sooooooooo many connections between language, literacy and social-emotional development. We wanted to share that information with conference participants. Saturday, March 8, 2008, we did just that!! We joined with over 700 staff, volunteers and participants to enjoy the keynote address by Mem Fox-the Australian author of "Reading Magic" and over 20 children's books. Then it was time for our workshops. The stage was well set by our welcoming hostess - Debbie Street. She had read our web-site, so as I walked down the hall, I heard "Hi Dr. Mollenhauer." Debbie had recognized me from the photo on the web-site and blog. Some of the Read Aloud board members had already shared with me that Debbie was warm and friendly. I knew this had to be her!! She was there for us throughout the day - setting up, joining in the sessions, and finding photo ops!! We are thankful to her for using many of her strengths with us. WE felt welcomed.

A highlight for Debbie was learning to "do the Dance of Relationships". Often in our training, we invite participants to join us in the Hand Dance. Yesterday was no exception. It's a powerful learning experience about relationships. The dancers engage in being the leader, being the follower and then seeing what happens when there is no leader and no follower. When you attend one of our training sessions, you will understand this more clearly and see which "works best". See the picture of Debbie dancing to understand that she was "getting it". Being a licensed clinical social worker made the learning experience simpler for her.

There was another learning experience yesterday as well. When we talked about social-emotional development for infants and toddlers, Erik Erikson's eight stages of psycho-social development-especially the first two - were a central focus of our discussion. Erikson viewed each stage as a struggle, a crisis to be negotiated before continuing to the next stage. Each future step is influenced by the previous one. The stages most important to infant toddler development are the first two. The first stage is the struggle to develop a sense of trust in the world -to know that it is a safe and responsive place. If this does not happen, the child develops a sense of mistrust in his/her world. The second stage of Erikson's theory relates to feelings of autonomy versus shame and doubt. The struggle to hold on or to let go is evident at this stage. Feelings of autonomy/independence emerge from successful experiences with choosing when to hold on and when to let go, and from many successful expwriences in letting go. Growth in physical development contributes to feelings of autonomy. If this does not happen, the child feels a sense of shame and doubt.

The Participants had "heard" of Erikson, but no one could share the stages and what they meant to successful infant/toddler development. This happened in both groups and Debbie was amazed. As a social worker, Erikson and relationships was so clear to her. Hopefully, after the lessons learned in the training, our "dancers" also have a clarity of understanding and can explain Erikson and what infants and toddlers need. It's not about knowing his name, but about understanding WHY what he says is so critical in relationship building with infants and toddlers and each other.

DARE to AFFIRM thanks Debbie Street, Read Aloud Delaware and all of the participants who joined us to share, listen and learn. We are facilitators and there to learn from one another.