Ten Elements of Relationship Building

"People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges."
This photo I took causes me to pause and reflect about the relationship of the two in the picture and what lies ahead for them as they walk the path of life.
In so much of the work we do with DARE to AFFIRM, we have come to discover that at the heart of living is Relationship Building. When I read books about 'aging well', those who live to be 100+ wake up in the morning with a purpose and look forward to spending time with friends, family & self.
We also know this truth and wisdom : "Have no friends not equal to yourself". We seek to internalize what Francoise de la Rochefoucauld tells us, "If we are incapable of finding peace in ourselves, it is pointless to search elsewhere."
We have designed a series of workshops around the D.A.R.E. theme (read about them on our website www.daretoaffim.com ). At the heart of all of them are the Ten Basic Elements of Relationship Buildilng. When I go out and about and 'become" The Photo Schmoozer, I have come to realize that I am building a relationship with another person. I know that DARE to AFFIRM is the philosophy that guides me. Photo Schmoozer is my special way of putting it all into action. I struggled with which one was 'more important' to me and came to realize that it is not an either choice, but a relationship in iteself. We have created the Ten Elements of Relationship Building. As the weeks go by, I will write about each of them. The first one is TRUST. Many of you know the psychologist, Erik Erikson. He tells us that the infant must learn to trust her world or she will live with mistrust the rest of her days. It is how relationships begin. Some people trust others right away; others say a person must earn trust.
It must be managed carefully. I think the simplest way to do this is to be trustworthy!! If you always do what you say you are going to do, it makes your behavior predictable and I can feel safe around you.
There are many ways to build Trust. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Do no harm and demonstrate that you care about people.
2. Always keep your promises.
3. Always tell the truth and actively maintain your reputation for integrity.
Our society teaches us to be unique, independent individuals. Sometimes, that might work. Sometimes, we need to focus more on being interdependent. As the saying goes, "We may not have it all together; but together we have it all." We talk about our strengths and recognizing other's strengths. Recognizing, respecting and valuing others is a way to be more effective in reaching goals that work for all of us. It is the best way to be responsive and dance through life!!
In the weeks that follow, we will share the other elements of relationship building. Until then, look at youself and your relationships and see how you make trust work for you!!

We ALL Wear Many Hats...

We recently spent three entire days with an infant/toddler staff in Somerset, NJ.
It was a treasure, a pleasure and a challenge. We all learned and grew. We go as facilitators, knowing that we bring a "plan", ideas, acitivities and materials and also knowing that we have to be incredible listeners - open to responding to the cues that come from the participants. See, once again, this is a Parallel Process and we have to "dance" - not only to our own tune, but to the music that comes from the group.
We talked about quality and then needed everyone to really think about ALL of the roles they played - both in the child care program - and in their lives. What fun they all had making and modeling hats (we had a fashion show when we were finished) to show who they were and how they were important...and unique.
We all spent time in their classrooms, learned about the ITERS, and ended up our time together with some action steps for continuous growth. These six individuals came together and began forming as a team. They had not had the opportunity to do this, so we were glad that not only did we get to know them, but they got to begin knowing and understanding each other more.
Everyone caught everyone else doing some things right and for that we are thankful!!