It's Cool 2B Kind

Just the other day in the copy room at Camden County Vocational Technical High School. a flyer was found. It's title was "It's Cool 2B Kind". It shared information about a competition that was to take place the month of January. The idea was to "write kids up for doing good things." It says that it is up to each teacher or staff member to decide which Acts of Kindness (AOK) are ok to write up. The flyer also talks about the importance of GENUINE acts and not just something to increase the numbers and win the contest. Each Friday, the results of the contest will be announced and posted and at the end of January, the grade level with the most points will get a dance party.

We affirm the school for putting the energy into this contest and hope that it generates enthusiasm and participation.

I have a few comments to add to this from DARE to AFFIRM's perspective:

1. If this in done for the month of January, what happens the rest of the year?

2. Do teachers and staff ever take the time to just tell the kids what they see that is "cool" and affirming?

3. I wonder if anything is ever done with the teachers and staff who are asked to do this for the students. I think about the PARALLEL PROCESS of "doing unto others what you want others to do unto others"?!

4. It is exciting for us to see that the "Catch them doing something right" message is for EVERYONE and not just for the early childhood field.

5. It is important to remember that the praise needs to be GENUINE. Have you ever noticed how children "tune out" when they are told they what they are doing is "pretty" or "good". It's always important to be specific. Try it. It works!

Exploring the Natural!

See the exuberance and exploration of the natural!! I watched her for a long time one day as she explored the stones, let them run through her fingers, made piles and then stood and threw them as far as she could into the water. No matter that it was cold and blustery. No matter that anyone else was there. She was in her world, setting her agenda and capturing her own Teachable Moments. NAEYC's Young Children this month explores NATURE. They talk about children's discovering the wonders of nature through direct hands on expriences. The article talks about children's developing a reverence for life that can't be fostered in any other way. How lucky this little girl was that her father brought her to the river. How lucky she was that he stood back and watched her explore - and took the time to throw the stones into the water when she asked him!! How lucky we are to receive nature's gifts daily IF WE TAKE THE TIME TO SLOW DOWN AND NOTICE AND APPRECIATE THEM!!

Caring for the Whale

Have you ever read the book Whale Done by Ken Blanchard, et.al? Well, Towanda Randall and the staff at GreenByrne Child Care Center in Philadelphia have. Not only have they read it, but that have developed a program for center staff using an idea from the book. Here is what Towanda shared with us:

"I wanted to tell you about a program we have here at our center for staff. It is called "Whale Done". We have a jar that staff and parents can put notes in. The notes will say what they saw a teacher doing that was good or helpful. Quarterly we tally up the names that are in the jar to see whose name was entered the most. We surprise that staff person with a special card and $50. They also will have to take care of the center's whale (a stuffed animal) until the next person is selected. Staff and parents love this idea and are very involved!"

Towanda was at our workshop at the Delaware Valley Association for the Education of Young Children in Philadelphia. She commented: "It was a pleasure attending your workshop. You are a very exciting and energetic woman and I applaud you." Thank you Towanda. DARE to AFFIRM applauds YOU!! We hope you all continue to "catch them doing something right"!!

A Special Relationship

Rebecca and the Quilt: Lessons Learned

Meet Rebecca Rother of Wheaton, MD. Rebecca is a 17 year old high school senior, president of her Student Government Association at Kennedy High School in Maryland. Her intuition and insight about people and relationships has guided her to be a leader, and as she plans for college, her goal is to study Organizational Leadership. Was she always this way? Not at all. She tells the story of being in second grade and being too shy to want the photographer to take her picture for class photos. What brought about the changes?? For Rebecca it is her personal traits of watching and learning as well as persistence and determination that have been at the forefront of her growth. She blossomed when she entered high school in the Leadership Training Institute track. There she has had teachers who guided her and she has taken charge in some projects that were "perfect" for her strengths. Encouragement from her parents has also played a role in this growth as a unique individual.

Rebecca is my niece. OK, so I am a proud "Auntie M" and rightly so. This weekend we spent three days "hanging out" in NJ. Rebecca brought her quilt to work on. We didn't know all about doing this, but had some ideas. We made bunches of mistakes and worked to figure out other options. We learned that persistence and determination count. We also knew that neither of us was responsible for the mistakes but we "goofed" together and figured out things together. It was a wonderful example of love, forgiveness and teamwork!! This morning Rebecca sent an email that her motivation continued after she got home and the quilt is just about finished! YEAH for determination. We affirm Rebecca for that characteristic!!

We also visited Longwood Gardens in Kennet Square, PA to "welcome Spring" in their conservatory and indoor greenhouses. Rebecca took over 200 pictures of the flowers so beautifully displayed, and I took a picture of her in the Children's Garden!

Cozy Critters Cash

Cozy Critters is a child care program in southern Delaware. Lisa Hudson, assistant director, shared this contribution with us about what they do at their program. "At Cozy Critters Child Care we use an appreciation tool we call "Critter Cash". Employees can use the cash they earn to cover any hours they have lost due to appointments, illness, etc. $5 of Critter Cash equals 1 hour of missed time. Critter Cash is laminated pretend bucks in denominations of $1, $5 and $10.
The staff can earn Critter Cash monthly by being voted Teacher of the Month by the parents, Employee of the Month by the Administration, perfect attendance, best kept room, team room or any time that we feel they deserve it...which is every day.
The employees really seem to appreciate the cash and enjoy being surprised when we enter the classroom and explain how they earned the cash and present them with it. We always get a "SMILE" in return.

The Energy that Feeds US

As we talk about nurturing ourselves and providing energy to our bodies, I have to stop and ask, "Which body - Physical, mental, emotional or spritual?"

A few years ago, I worked with Rose Payne, a nutrition counselor in Cherry Hill, NJ. One day we were talking about food - well, that was the purpose right!?! and she asked a question about an important person in my life. I stopped and looked at her. "Why in the world are you asking me that when we are talking about food?!?"

She went on to explain to me the concept of PRIMARY FOOD. I just sat there and looked at her. Three years later, that concept is still in my head and heart and at the forefront of my thinking!

Rose went on to explain that primary food feeds us but doesn't come on a plate. It is things like hugs, kisses, warmth, meditation, hot baths, nature, close friends and lots of affirmations from others that feed our soul and build our self-concept. WOW...and all we thought was that we had to go on a "diet" and "eat right" and we would be set for life!!

Do you remember a time when you were so involved in an exciting project that you just forgot to stop and eat? You felt confident and stimulated! How wonderful.

It is never too late to claim this wonderful feeling.

Consider this: the more primary food we receive - from ourselves and others, the less we will be dependent on "secondary foods". Eating as much as we want doesn't satisfy the need for what we really want and that is relationships.

Take a few minutes to just sit and breeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttthe and focus on what you can do for yourself...and others...to make this a win-win situation for everyone.

(PS The photo was taken one day recently while we were sitting and appreciating the stillness and beauty of nature)

SMILES

Joanne Shelor sent this quote today. We want to share it with you. It just fits so well with the Authentic Smiles I wrote about in yesterday's post. It is from Joseph Addison.

"What sunshine is to flowers,

Smiles are to humanity".

Authentic People ...sniff them out!!

My sister, Lisa Rother, has been involved with city planning for most of her professional career. Recently, she shared information with me about "The Third Place" - a location besides home or work where someone goes and "fits". Yesterday, Allison and I worked at the Riverfront Market in Wilmington, DE, and I realized that in some ways, this has been a
third place for me. I have my "friends" there and I can spend time there comfortably. I want to tell you about a few of them.

Before I continue - why the picture of the pin in this post? To me, this represents the Dancers of Relationships, and I wear it as much as possible when I go out. I love the pin and also what it represents. Often someone will comment on the beautiful pin and ask where I got it. I often take it off and give it to them! It just feels right. I only give them one if they feel "real" and authentic to me.
A few weeks ago at the Market, I met Vonda - also known as "Mom-Mom" working at the coffee shop. Her warm smile welcomed me to her space. I felt affirmed. Yes, she commented on the pin and is the proud owner of one of her own. She is a "real" person.
Yesterday, we were there working and it was lunch time. When I went to order my sandwich, the young woman, Charlitha, asked me if I was the woman who gave her mother-in-law the pin. "Yes," I said. Now Charlitha had a smile that was equally as welcoming and a bright as "V"'s and a caring personality to go with it. I asked her if there was a story about her name. Her dad is Charlie(meaning strength & leadership) and her mom is Ruth (compassionate friend). They combined their names and added the "a" for femininity. Charlitha embodies all of that and more. She is an "authentic" person just as my intuition told me the same about "V". Yes, she proudly wears her dancer pin!!

What do I mean by an AUTHENTIC PERSON? Elisabeth Kubler-Ross talked about this in her book LIFE LESSONS. She said she could "sniff out" real people- you can smell them with all of your senses. If they smell real, she gives them a signal to come close. They are who they are and comfortable in their own skin. They are accepting and giving - loveable and open.
Are you an authentic person? Do you know authentic people? If we talked, would I quietly reach up, unhook my pin and gift you with it?? Is it easy to catch you doing something right?

Wall of Honor

It is Monday and time to buy a lottery ticket. Went out for a walk to the local news agency - my "supplier". What would I do with the money? For sure, I would support and empower friends and relatives and fund a foundation for the DARE to AFFIRM campaign to spread the word faster than we can do right now. But then, the tortise beat the hare in the race now, didn't he?? So we can be patient and our message will spread as it is meant to.

Debbie sold me the tickets. Yes, I chose the cash payout because, hey, I am not so young that I would rather have an annuity!! No matter. Why I am really writing this is because of the conversation we had when I was there.

We talked about kids today and how they are different from "when we were raised". She shared that there are some kids who come into the news agency and just walk up to people and ask for a dollar! No, they don't know them. They just think they deserve it and for no special reason. These kids just don't have, as Debbie said, "the old fashioned values that we were raised with."

At that point, I took off my purple and orange DARE to AFFIRM button - the one with the Dancers of Relationships and gave it to her and told her what we were all about. She shared a perfect example of how kids are recognized and affirmed where she works.

Clearview Middle School in Harrison Township, NJ, has a Wall of Honor. When a student does something that deserves to be recognized, their name is put on the wall for everyone to see. Debbie shared the story of Tommy. Just the other day at lunch, he took the teacher's lunch tray when she was finished and cleared it for her. No one asked him to do that. The teacher asked his name (no, she was not his teacher and did not know him) because she knew he deserved to have his name on the wall. It was so gratifying to hear that a local public school was spending the time catching their students doing something right. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm...I wonder if there is the opportunity for a parallel process where the administration or students can catch the teachers in the same way?!? I will have to go back and ask.

Recognizing Change

Allison and I are sitting today working on exciting changes for DARE to AFFIRM for 2008. We are talking about the people of Iowa and how they want change...it is time for it to happen in our country. They have recognized that they can make change happen. We realize that all of us can too once we are open to it and embrace it.
Our purpose with DARE to AFFIRM is also about change. We recognize that it must happen from the INSIDE OUT. First know who you are, your strengths, goals and belief systems. These are the polished jewels of your being. There are other pieces of you that need to be polished. Make a plan, take a step and go for it! It is challenging and rewarding when growth occurs. Go forth, take action and grow!!
Write to us catchthemright@aol.com and share how you are making this happen.

Leaders for World Peace

Last month in The O magazine, Oprah interviewed Sir Richard Branson. He is rather an amazing individual - a risk taker who dropped out of school at 16 to start a magazine and has never looked back. He is a dreamer and an action taker. He began Virgin Records, Virgin Airlines and is building a spaceship and a launch site in New Mexico that will take him and his family into outer space!! He knows what he wants and goes after it. He has always been encouraged by his family and believes that he can make a difference.
Now he and Peter Gabriel have cofounded The Elders, a group of 12 outstanding former presidents, ambassadors, and Nobel Prize winners- a team of conflict mediators who will work for World Peace. You might recognize some of their names: Jimmy Carter, Nelson Mandela, Kofi Annan or Ela Bhatt.
In the same issue, there is an article, The Gift of Peace: The Next Generation - the children of some of our former civil rights leaders and champions of social justice - Martin Luther King III and Kerry Kennedy, among others. They too are world changers.

Reflecting on the issue of world peace, I think of ALL OF US as world changers and leaders who can influence the direction our world must take for peace, communication and love. Though we are not world leaders on a grand scale, WE TOO ARE LEADERS. People remember how we treat them, what we say, and how we make them feel. Every day we can "catch people doing something right" and make them feel valuable. In this respect, we too are world changers!

Richard Branson talks about "his company being its people. His companies are run on the basis of praising workers and looking for the best in them, not criticizing them. In the same way that you water a plant and it sprouts leaves, people florish when you praise them." Praising individuals and having them grow and flourish is our mission with DARE to AFFIRM.
Today my husband, Bill praised someone and made a change in the world. He was at a local service station and the woman pumping gas smiled at him and wished him a Happy New Year. He thanked her and told her what a great smile she had. He said she just beamed when he said that. He made a difference in her life...and she will remember him when he comes back because of how he made her feel.
If WE can impact these changes at our grass roots level...and the Elders and the Next Generationnworld changers can make a difference at their level, consider that we will have a strong influence at the top and at the bottom - and just maybe, we will meet in the middle and realize how much of a difference we have all made TOGETHER.

Vision 2008

As the New Year begins, we have been reflecting on our vision for DARE to AFFIRM:
All people will experience and be

engaged in affirming relationships

with themselves and others.

Our mission is to empower ALL individuals to create positive and affirming interactions and environments in their personal and professional relationships. We know that this sounds so simple and yet is so complex. We all must have patience with one another.

We are creating a Catch Them Doing Something Right campaign and creating related workshops, materials and resources to provide strategies and techniques that build affirming relationships. We are discovering what many of you are already doing right, and will continuously be exploring more options for ALL- sharing this through this Blog and in personal communications. We are relationship builders.
We are talking to leaders, exploring and recording their Visions of Supervision. There are so many styles and we intend to share them with you as we gather our data. We are looking for more individuals who want to share with us and talk about their experiences and styles of supervision. Call or email us to schedule a date for a visit or phone conversation. catchthemright@aol.com or (856) 256-8380.
There is a lot written about supervision and especially Reflective Supervision. We believe reflective supervision is a complex process and a challenge to practice effectively and consistently. Instead, we choose to use the term Responsive Supervision. First a coach, mentor or supervisor needs to understand how to affirm and respond to those with whom s/he works. Appreciate them and the work they do. Tell them what you see that are their strengths. Build trust in your relationship. Feel comfortable in your role of guiding growth. Help them create action plans for polishing what is not quite shining. This is a blessing and a skill. The more you do it, the better you will feel about yourself as a supervisor and the people with whom you relate.
We are excited about the role DARE to AFFIRM is playing and the contributions we make to caring individuals and groups. This will grow as we network with like-minded colleagues and friends. We have an enthusiasm that motivates others to be who they can be.
Join us and open up to these experiences. We will all be better for them!!