Building TRUST...

In this Holiday season, I have been thinking lots about gratitude and my friends and family. I realize that these relationships are treasures in my life that have been developed by building TRUST and it takes time. No one ever said it would be simple. The more I discover my own strengths and the more comfortable I feel in my "skin", the more love is in my heart...and the stronger my relationships become. I affirm and value people!!

Erik Erikson, in his writing about the Eight Ages of Man, described stages of human growth - and how each one of these must be successfully negotiated before we can move on to the next. If it does not happen, in some ways, we are "stuck" there. When I first read Erikson, I thought that the issue of trust vs. mistrust was what babies needed to develop in their first year or two of life. True as that is, as I get older and hopefully wiser, I have come to realize that anytime we enter into any new relationship, we are beginning with the "baby" stage and must learn to trust.

Think about people who don't have many successful relationships - or abused or neglected children who have never been responded to. They just don't know that their world is OK. They don't know that when they need something, a trusted caregiver will be there for them. We have a lot of work to do with our children. They come into the world ready to learn...and vulnerable. When we respond to them, they learn that we...and the world are ok...and they become secure and trust their world. When we don't...well...and we need to work on this with each other as well. You will hear us talking about the PARALLEL PROCESS a lot. Do unto others as you want others to do unto others.

One more point about relationships...and what Allison and I refer to in our work as "the dance". A colleague once said to me that relationships are not all about the dance. How wrong she was. See, I never to said to her that two people always dance in step. Relationships are always a dance but sometimes we just don't hear the same music or move to the same beat. There is the challenge. It is about respecting and listening and learning to move with the other person.

I have a dance partner in DARE to AFFIRM and I treasure her, yet Allison and I are still listening and learning each other's beat. That is what makes life special.

What tips do you have to share about trusting yourself and others in relationships? Write to us. catchthemright@aol.com