DARE to AFFIRM

Discoveries for a New Year!!

2009-12-31T15:08:00.002-05:00

I have been struggling a lot this year trying to decide where to focus my energies with the blog/s I write - though inconsistently. How to make a choice and what to do was my dilemma until today. What happened? The other day, I was spending time with my new friend Peggy - personally and professionally. We are working on a project and getting to know one another. WE have discovered that we are in each other's lives for blessings and lessons. For me, I decided a few days earlier to focus on people and their hands - expressions of their individuality. When I saw Peggy take out the lotion to soften her hands, it came clear. Here is my new project and DARE to AFFIRM and PHOTO SCHMOOZER are NOT two separate entities!! See, DARE to AFFIRM is what I totally believe about people and the dance of relationships - valuing and affirming them and "catching them doing something right" and PHOTO SCHMOOZER is the person who makes it happen. What an AHA moment. So this is to say that from now on, my blog will be http://photoschmoozer.blogspot.com and I won't write any more on this one! Phew - what a relief. Come visit.

BREA AFFIRMS...and nourishes the world!!

2009-10-09T14:14:00.003-04:00

I write another blog besides this one http://photoschmoozer.blogspot.com/

in addition to a very basic web-site www.daretoaffirm.com

In that I talk about TAKING EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE, LEARN THEIR STORIES AND CATCH THEM DOING SOMETHING RIGHT. Every day I make a new friend because I decide to be friendly, make people feel good and talk to them about something I like about them and/or what they do!!
In my town, I am bringing a new energy and it is represented by affirmations and DRUMMING. See Photoschmoozer soon for drumming stories!!

When Brea Marsh first wrote, I could have said, "Gee thanks" BUT something told me that I needed to get much more involved with her and send the pins to her 6th graders. That I did and here is her response!! We will continue to publish letters from Brea and hopefully from her kids too here. Stay tuned!!!

Remember people will NOT remember what you did or what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel!! This is a total win-win situation for all of us!!

Brea writes...

I wanted to thank you for the pins! The kids love them, and I have other kids coming from all over campus saying Mrs. Marsh, what does that pin stand for? My class periods were going crazy because they had to wait to get theirs! :) Well, I am writing an article that will be published for Hoofprints, Manorisd's website newsletter. I wanted to make sure it is okay that I mention your website, and show your pins. Let me know if this is okay. I will also put a link for the blog if that's okay.
How could I say no?!?!? Of course, we will look forward to Brea's article in Hoofprints soon.
Brea Marsh, MS
DMS Language Arts,Team 6-1
brea.davis@manorisd.net
"Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body."~Joseph Addison

2009-09-25T15:09:00.002-04:00

Dear Dr. Mollenhauer,

My name is Brea Marsh and I'm a 6th grade teacher in Austin, TX. This summer, my school took part in a training called "Capturing Kids Hearts". As part of the training, we made little bags that we decorated with our names and our co-workers (veteran staff & new) could write affirmations to us and put them into the bags. I was thinking about how great it was to take the bag home at the end of the week and see what my co-workers had to say about me-what they saw in me. SO-I decided that I would do WEEKLY affirmations in my classes this year. Students are encourage to not only affirm each other with their mouths, but also write notes throughout the week to students to affirm each other. The students have "mail boxes" at the back of the classroom, and I put the notes once they are turned into me in their mail boxes, and on Fridays they can take their affirmations home to read and see what their classmates have said about them. We talk as a class about how it is really easy to say negative words, but not always positive ones to each other & that this it one an affirmation is, lifting someone up. The students love it, and so do the parents-and they get to practice their writing (what can I say, I'm an English teacher).Brea Marsh, brea.davis@manorisd.net

Thanks for sharing your story Brea!! As a special thank you, we are sending you an affirmation safety pin for each one of your students. Hopefully you will send us some pictures of your student's bags and maybe a story from them to post on the blog!! We AFFIRM YOU for capturing the idea and running with it!!

Martie

Looking Back...Moving Forward...Lessons Learned

2009-03-22T14:19:00.003-04:00

In 1985 I was working for Family Tree, a family child care network that was a division of Archway Programs in Atco. In my Director's role, I recruited and trained those who chose to do child care in their homes. I also met with families who were looking for child care and sent them to the provider's homes. We made matches that worked for everyone. So why am I sharing this history with you now? It is a look into the past that came to light again this week in the present and from which I learned some valuable lessons that affirmed my value and the relationships that are built and can be enduring.
The picture at the top? Only a connection to the story in a vague way - and let's call it Literacy. Of course it is with a young one reading a book!! I got my latest edition of a journal, Young Children, from the National Association for the Education of Young Children. AS I glanced through the table of contents, I recognized a name and when I turned to the article, it was my former colleague who was one of the coauthors! What a sense of pride I felt to see how she had grown and changed and how much she had accomplished in the years since we first met. Her name is Cindy Becker and she teaches (again for an Archway Program - how ironic) and coauthored an article on Dual Language Learning. I wrote to the email address and we connected. Then we were going to listen to a singer songwriter at a coffee house near her and she and the provider I introduced her to, were to meet me there after they went to a movie. We went, they came and we talked. What is the lesson learned from it all? For me, it was twofold:
1. I had known that Cindy and Bette would hit it off and sent her there for child care. Twenty years later, their lives parallel in many ways and they are still best of friends.
2. I learned that I was a direct link to Bette's getting a job as a teacher in the public school system. Did I remember? Not necessarily so, but she did!
I would close this by affirming both Cindy Becker and Bette Newsham for their successes, their relationships and for keeping their light for children and families shining.
I would also close with a message to me - the person who always wonders if she 'does enough'. You never know what impact you have on a person's life, so engage in the dance, value them and always look for their strengths. Lesson learned.

"Touchis" are Friend Makers

2009-03-15T20:58:00.004-04:00

I would bet that some of you are "old enough" to remember when Alvin Freed created Warm Fuzzies and Cold Pricklies oh so many years ago?? They were the cutest orange pom poms with eyes that moved about and feelers too - well, I call them feelers and they were meant to make you feel GOOD! The warm fuzzies made Frozs (non sexist frogs) turn back into Prinzs (non sexist prince and princesses) after the 'mean' people made them feel less than ok. Thus his book..."I'm OK. You're OK".
Since he created them, for DARE to AFFIRM, we have "Touchis". They are a play on words - get it? Touch is and 'touchis'. Since we are all about responsive respectful relationships, it is only natural to give these to folks who come to spend time with us to thank them, affirm them, and remind them to catch someone doing something right.
Years ago (more than 10!!) when I started working at a Head Start program, I did a training for the bus drivers and other support staff. Why do I bring this up now??? Well, there was this 20 year old young man in the group - he made deliveries for the agency. At the end of the workshop, he got a light blue 'fuzzie'and for two years, kept it in his pocket and played with it when he felt 'frozzie'. I left but who knows if he still had it longer?
See, you never know what effect your words or actions have on someone, so pay attention, watch how you relate and spread the goodness that makes the world still a special place.
This picture with the two yellow touchis? Still giving them out and spreading the word. After all, isn't this all about DARE to AFFIRM? This time it was at Read Aloud Delaware conference on Saturday. Great day; great attendance and soon, I will introduce you to a special person - our hostess Denise.

The Leader of the Team

2009-01-06T13:23:00.005-05:00

It's the most special thing to have utmost confidence in the person who is going to cut up your body and make repairs to it. When I first met Dr. Joe Daniel, he was there to care from the beginning. He is thorough, takes time to explain and look at pictures together and always says "If you were my sister, here is what I would advise!" Yesterday was no different. I was anxious to see how the healing from the surgery was going and we discovered together that it was going well. Personally, I thought it was gross looking and wondered, but since he was pleased, well...that' s what it takes. So without a doubt, if you ever need to have someone care for your foot/ankle (and he specializes in diabetes foot problems) go to UMDNJ and meet Dr. Daniel. I did and don't have a moment of regret - ok, maybe some pain now, but no regret. I value him!! It certainly doesn't hurt that he tells me I am an 'interesting' woman!! Now does that mean ME or the foot?!?

Take My Hand and I Will Guide YOU!!

2009-01-03T09:14:00.003-05:00

Today is my Mother's birthday and soon the anniversary of her death. I remember her...but more than that, today I want to honor everyone who is a parent or works with very young children to guide their lives. ALWAYS know that YOU are important in their lives. See, we don't know the impact we have on a young one's life. Something we do or say might affect them and will be remembered...or applied...later. That's not the important thing. What is 'perfect' is that we are there for the children; we are there to laugh and play and hug and DANCE. Yes, dance with them as we develop the relationships. Sometimes we just watch and listen...sometimes we lead, but we are always partners. As we begin the New Year of 2009, let us continue to make the very young our priority. We know so much more about them now - how they learn, what affects and influences them...and how important we are to them. Peace and blessings to all.

A Giant Treasure in My Life!!

2008-12-30T17:28:00.002-05:00

Sometimes we take things for granted, and then there are times when something happens and we learn all over again to appreciate what is near and dear to our heart. See, this is all about affirming people and catching them doing something right?!? On 12/12 I had surgery on my foot. It has been an experience - a lesson in patience and healing, and a time to learn to let others nurture me - the nurturer!! I came home with crutches - and put them aside after a terrible fall five minutes into the house. This guy went to Good Will and found me a walker! He loves to find treasures there. Then he has been fixing meals and bringing them up to me. He is learning how to make all kinds of things and have them ready at about the 'right' time to serve everything together. He has been good spirited, caring and concerned. Then when I thought the walker might be ready to be set aside, well Thrift Village had a cane with feet!! This has been a gradual healing and a giant lesson in patience. If it weren't for my Billy - my husband of 37 years, this would have been even a bigger challenge than it might have been. So, my DARE to AFFIRM today is a GIANT THANK YOU to my gentle spirited husband!! And my message to all of you is to understand that it is ok to trust your care to another, have gratitude for the little things, and count every blessing that comes your way. Happy New Year to all of my friends!!

Reflect on This

2008-12-07T22:51:00.002-05:00

Thanks to Paul Zollo, a Flickr photo friend who often posts pictures of amazing people who have stories to share, though they don't often know it. When Paul put one on the web tonight, he had a story with this quote. I just wanted to share it because it is so 'dare to affirmish'
He was writing about a guy with a very 'strong' presence, who was also small in stature. didn't matter...and this is what he said...

I could see how personal presence is not determined by size but by spirit and confidence, and I took this.

It is a lesson for all of us. It is our way of presenting ourselves, our personal presence, that makes all the difference in the world!!

It's How It Makes Us Feel!!

2008-12-05T09:36:00.002-05:00

Writing in yellow today because this is a 'bright sunshiny' thought!! I had to share an experience that happened to me the other day. No need to say where or when, just that it was 'good'. Remember we are always saying that it is not what you say but how you make the person feel that is important? Well, we were at an event with a group of people, all known to us. Today for some reason, there was more of a conversation flow and overall, a pleasant atmosphere - 'guests' in someone's house. Just as we were leaving, I was saying good-bye and I heard this comment, quietly directed at me, "I really like how your hair looks!" Now you might think this was not a big deal. Trust me, it was and it was happening to me and it did do a lot to make me feel good - noticed - affirmed - and brought a peaceful ending to the day! I was affirmed as I do unto others, and it felt good!!

Affirming INDIVIDUALITY and AUTHENTICITY

2008-12-04T10:23:00.004-05:00

Yesterday we visited our niece at Goucher College in Towson, Maryland. Walking around campus, I was intrigued by the students and their dress. One of the special adventures of higher education, especially at small private colleges, is the journey to discovering self. The young adult is away from home and learning the responsibilities that independence and thinking on her own can bring, can shed who she was and become whoever she chooses to be!! It's a time to truly get comfortable in her skin and know her unique individuality. When we talk about the ten elements of relationship building, Authenticity is one of the factors. It's all about being genuine.
In her book, Life Lessons, Elisabeth Kubler Ross talks about authenticity. "Deep inside of us, we know there is someone we were meant to be. And we can feel when we're becoming that person. We seek to discover who we are and how we can become truly happy. We were put here on earth to learn our own lessons."
Today I choose to affirm Aileen, a junior at Goucher College, who dares to affirm the individual she is and live an authentic life. When I showed a European friend these pictures, he wanted to know if she was dressed for a festival? I said that no, she was dressed for her life for the day and loving every minute of it.
Now, I am thinking about that bag of ties upstairs in my 'project' closet. Hmmmmm.
My message to you...it is important to BE who you are meant to be, express yourself as the unique individual you are, and live life to the fullest. Remember, TODAY is the gift of the precious present!

Gil & Curtis Sail the Seas

2008-10-16T10:41:00.007-04:00

His hat is soooooooo the opposite of everything that Gil is! We went sailing on the AJ Meerwald out of Bi-Valve, NJ for a six hour cruise on the Delaware Bay the other day. The day was one that we would have to call 'perfect' - clear, sunny, the right temperatures and the excitement of the expectations of what we might see or do while out on the quiet of the Bay. For one thing, we knew we would be seeing lighthouses that could not be seen from land! Great expectations. For me, as The Photo Schmoozer who likes to 'catch people doing something right', there is always yet another expectation though. I wonder who I will meet and what stories they will have to share. Today was no exception!! Well, ok I admit that I can find stories everyday!! As we were waiting to get on the boat, I saw three people sitting on the bench on the dock. Later, I happened to be sitting next to the female of the group - she had forgotten her seasick medicine so we were just being still together. Soon, she was joined by Gil, her fiance, and Curtis, Gil's little brother from the Big Brothers program. It's Gil I want to affirm because he is so opposite of the hat he was wearing - see the saying on the collage?? "The beatings will continue until morale improves". No way was that him!! First, I have to say, I watched him with Curtis and you could see a caring connection between the two. Turns out they have a 5 year history together. When Gil comes aboard the AJ Meerwald as a volunteer, Curtis is right there with him, working by his side hoisting the sails, taking pictures, or snoozing on the deck!
As we talked, I asked Gil what he did. He shared that he is Executive Director of a Community Health Care agency in South Jersey. I was wearing my DARE to AFFIRM shirt, so we talked about what that was and then Gil began to share his philosophies as the leader of his program. The first thing I have to share is THAT HE REALLY LISTENS!! People talk about an 'open door policy', but his truly is. He goes to staff meetings, meets with all of his managers weekly, and nips problems in the bud by encouraing everyone to be involved in solving them together. I asked if he had always been such an affirming individual? He didn't answer right away, but after reflection, we came together a bit later for another conversation. His experiences in Peace Corp and his degree in Cultural Anthropology plus the wisdom he has gained from life, are some of the other puzzle pieces that make Gil open to people, cultures, values and beliefs. He respects them and in turn, engenders so much respect from all of the employees at the 20+ clinics that serve the working poor. He is amazing; his staff recognize him as such, and his fiance', Betty, loves to spend her time validating him as well! I learned almost as much from her as from him!! Yes, we saw the lighthouses and I came home with some photographs of them, but the experience of meeting Gil, Curtis and Betty was a special event of the cruise.

Play With Me Daddy!!

2008-10-10T21:30:00.003-04:00

On a beautiful afternoon, we went to sit by the river, enjoy the beautiful day and just BE. One of my favorite things to do at these times is watch the children and their parents, watch how they 'dance', watch their interactions. Today was no different. This pair was a joy and a treat and 'candy' for my eyes. He was responsive, respectful and allowed her to take the lead with his careful guidance. When I went to say "Hi" - often a treat for me, she hid her face and turned away from me. Dad said, "She is not feeling well today." OK, I respected that and walked away, to watch them from afar. They sat on the bench to snuggle, then wandered down to the river for a change of pace. He was right there, yet allowed her to pick up the stones and throw them into the water. (Gosh, no one I see on the beach at the river - a beach with lots of pebbles - does not throw them into the water. Fascinating.) When she was tired and clung to his leg, he picked her up and quietly talked with her. When she wanted down, he did so and was close by when she wanted to cling to his leg. He watched her, asked what she wanted and adapted his behaviors to make her most secure in her world. He was responsive and she was trusting. Beautiful. At the end of our visit, I asked him if he realized what a great dad he was. He looked at me and grinned! He knew. I definitely caught him doing something right!! YEAH!!

Ten Elements of Relationship Building

2008-09-26T10:05:00.005-04:00

"People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges."
This photo I took causes me to pause and reflect about the relationship of the two in the picture and what lies ahead for them as they walk the path of life.
In so much of the work we do with DARE to AFFIRM, we have come to discover that at the heart of living is Relationship Building. When I read books about 'aging well', those who live to be 100+ wake up in the morning with a purpose and look forward to spending time with friends, family & self.
We also know this truth and wisdom : "Have no friends not equal to yourself". We seek to internalize what Francoise de la Rochefoucauld tells us, "If we are incapable of finding peace in ourselves, it is pointless to search elsewhere."
We have designed a series of workshops around the D.A.R.E. theme (read about them on our website www.daretoaffim.com ). At the heart of all of them are the Ten Basic Elements of Relationship Buildilng. When I go out and about and 'become" The Photo Schmoozer, I have come to realize that I am building a relationship with another person. I know that DARE to AFFIRM is the philosophy that guides me. Photo Schmoozer is my special way of putting it all into action. I struggled with which one was 'more important' to me and came to realize that it is not an either choice, but a relationship in iteself. We have created the Ten Elements of Relationship Building. As the weeks go by, I will write about each of them. The first one is TRUST. Many of you know the psychologist, Erik Erikson. He tells us that the infant must learn to trust her world or she will live with mistrust the rest of her days. It is how relationships begin. Some people trust others right away; others say a person must earn trust.
It must be managed carefully. I think the simplest way to do this is to be trustworthy!! If you always do what you say you are going to do, it makes your behavior predictable and I can feel safe around you.
There are many ways to build Trust. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Do no harm and demonstrate that you care about people.
2. Always keep your promises.
3. Always tell the truth and actively maintain your reputation for integrity.
Our society teaches us to be unique, independent individuals. Sometimes, that might work. Sometimes, we need to focus more on being interdependent. As the saying goes, "We may not have it all together; but together we have it all." We talk about our strengths and recognizing other's strengths. Recognizing, respecting and valuing others is a way to be more effective in reaching goals that work for all of us. It is the best way to be responsive and dance through life!!
In the weeks that follow, we will share the other elements of relationship building. Until then, look at youself and your relationships and see how you make trust work for you!!

We ALL Wear Many Hats...

2008-09-01T19:04:00.001-04:00

We recently spent three entire days with an infant/toddler staff in Somerset, NJ.
It was a treasure, a pleasure and a challenge. We all learned and grew. We go as facilitators, knowing that we bring a "plan", ideas, acitivities and materials and also knowing that we have to be incredible listeners - open to responding to the cues that come from the participants. See, once again, this is a Parallel Process and we have to "dance" - not only to our own tune, but to the music that comes from the group.
We talked about quality and then needed everyone to really think about ALL of the roles they played - both in the child care program - and in their lives. What fun they all had making and modeling hats (we had a fashion show when we were finished) to show who they were and how they were important...and unique.
We all spent time in their classrooms, learned about the ITERS, and ended up our time together with some action steps for continuous growth. These six individuals came together and began forming as a team. They had not had the opportunity to do this, so we were glad that not only did we get to know them, but they got to begin knowing and understanding each other more.
Everyone caught everyone else doing some things right and for that we are thankful!!

Who are YOU? What do YOU Believe?

2008-08-26T09:59:00.008-04:00

LEARNING WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU BELIEVE TAKES TIME, PATIENCE & GOING WITHIN TO LISTEN TO YOUR HEART!!

REFLECT; BE STILL; GO WITHIN; RESPECT; TRUST; LISTEN; AFFIRM

"Every single adult, whether conscious of it or not, has an overarching theory that drives hiw or her childrearing practices. This organizing - or "meta" theory greatly influences how each of us relates to and cares for children". J.R. Lally, Concepts for Care, West Ed, (c) 2006

When you were young, you developed relationships with your parents and other family members. They influenced who you were and what you believed. Then you went to school and learned from your peers and teachers more about who you were in the bigger world and were told what you were to believe. Hopefully by this point in your life and professional development, you have taken all of this information and put it together to create your own ideas!! This is NOT about only sharing the words that you have learned from others, but it is about YOU and your own personal beliefs. Take a minute and reflect on these questions:

What do you know about how the young children in your care grow & develop?

What do you believe about how they must be treated for them to grow into healthy individuals with a strong sense of identity?

How do you use these beliefs to build relationships and dance with children & adults in your life?

When Allison and I do training we work not only to present information but to CREATE AN UNDERSTANDING OF WHO YOU ARE AND WHY YOU DO WHAT YOU DO. YOU, the caregiving adult, are at the heart of quality care and we choose to always respect, affirm, value and nurture YOU. Do you take the time to do that for yourself??

Spanish...French...English

2008-08-23T21:05:00.003-04:00

Outside of Borders in Stanton, DE, carrying books to show to anyone who would listen, was the cutest two year old you would want to see. He was dressed in a NY Yankees outfit, complete with buttons that looked like baseballs. His shoes has velcro closures and these too were like the binding on the seams of the baseball. I couldn't help but notice him. "Hey good looking," I said to him. He immediately began to point to the buttons on his outfit and talk to me in a language that only he could understand. I responded to what I thought he might be saying and he continued. My first instinct was to be concerned that his language expression was anything but clear. His mom was standing nearby, and she explained so much to me. It made me realize that we often see or hear and jump to conclusions. What is the truth is this. In the home they speak Spanish and French to the little guy and some English as well. He can jump back and forth between them all often using words from any of the 3 languages. She said he was speaking "Spanglish" to me. When I realized that, I said a few words to him in Spanish. It was about Mickey, Minnie and Goofy on the cover of the book he was carrying. We immediately began to understand each other in Spanish and his language was clearly understandable. I asked his mom if she was at home with him or if he attended child care. I was curious what his language would be like in that situation and how everyone communicated. No, she was a stay at home mom, lucky to be with him. So, I saw a first hand demonstration of what I mostly read - young children and their dual language learning. I read that if one parent speaks in one language and the other parent in the other language, the child will understand and speak both. Yes, it is true from first hand exprience.
I write this today to recognize the lesson I learned about not "assuming" and also about the comfort and openness of his mom as she talked with me about her son and what he was doing. All it takes is an opening statement, affirmations and time to listen.

Theresa the Collaborator

2008-08-13T07:24:00.003-04:00

Meet Theresa Caputo and see her many faces!! Behind them all is a heart of gold, a wisdom and understanding that can only come from years of experiences, and a sharing and giving spirit that is her gentle nature. Yesterday we met for lunch at The Painted Cottage in Collingswood, NJ. The outdoor setting was perfect for a "chat and chew". There was quiet conversation all around, light shining "just right" on the plants and a listening presence - a give and take - and true communication. What I saw as I watched and listened, was an individual who is insightful and thoughtful AND a person with a dancing creative spirit that permeates her way of being. It is almost like you can sit and watch the breezes flowing in her mind as she visualizes what she is listening to. It is a treasure and a pleasure to be with her. Theresa is working with Professional Impact New Jersey. Within this organization, she has many opportunities to be the diplomat and collaborator that defines who she is. She creates programs and then finds the perfect people and places to make them happen. The early childhood field is lucky to have Theresa there as an advocate for change.
Today I choose to present her and affirm and value all that she does for the world!! Thank you Theresa!! You are a joy!!

Always Remember...Affirm and Value YOURSELF! as well as Others!

2008-08-02T14:47:00.004-04:00

Often we are so busy spending our time affirming, valuing and empowering people in our workshops that we forget to acknowledge ourselves!! I wanted to stop for a minute and reflect on what Allison and I are doing with DARE to AFFIRM and to acknowledge ourselves and our work. We have FUN!! Participants have FUN! Everyone is engaged and our training is interactive. Someone said the other day that we are like "an old married couple" - whatever that means. We role model how we want others to dance. We are always recognizing and reading each other's cues - getting our steps moving to the same music. Sometimes it works incredibly well. Sometimes it is a challenge. No matter what, we are out there, we are together, and we are empowering people. As we guide others to recognize their strengths and hot spots, so do we continue to grow ourselves.
Yeah for US!! YEAH for all who dance with us...and welcome to all of those yet to come.
We love catching people...and ourselves...doing something right!
My point?? In your days filled with "busyness", "crazies" and those who might be less than kind, always remember to stop and BREATHE.
Another lesson...
Q.T.I.P.: Quit Taking It Personally!

Strengths, Affirmations & Experiences

2008-07-27T18:47:00.003-04:00

Everyone has STRENGTHS though we don't always know them or acknowledge them. This week DARE to AFFIRM spent an outstanding, thoughtful and FUN day with the staff from the Early Head Start program at Children's Hospital, Philadelphia. Everything we thought about brought us back to the focus of the Dance of Relationships. In the center of this collage are colorful bags. We call these affirmation bags. Rather than ask a person to introduce herself by name and where she works, we choose to take a different approach. Everyone is asked to choose a bag and draw some pictures that represent things about themselves and their lives. Then on the other side, they are asked to write at least three strengths that they bring to work with them and use in their daily lives. Their introduction shares one thing about themselves and a strength. It is the beginning of the day's journey of self-discovery. There are more discussions about strengths and then an unusual task. There are bags and baskets of beads - wooden, foam, plastic of every color. There are also brightly colored shoe laces. The task: make a Life Necklace with the beads that shares your story about where your strengths come from. This group was thoughtful, open and honest. Strengths came from within, family, church, God, nature, the deaths of loved one or other life experiences. No two stories were the same. Many commented that they learned more about their friends and colleagues than they had every known by "being busy" at work and passing in the hall. It was time to stop, be still, reflect and open up communications.
One lesson learned: what was begun today must be taken back to the program. It is up to no one person to carry this forward, but it is the responsibility of a group of unique individuals to be receptive to each other - strengths, challenges and gifts. We know that everyone has caught each other doing something right, and the affirmations will continue as they are guided to strengthen the program.

Felisburto Lights Up His World!!

2008-07-27T11:32:00.002-04:00

When I walked into the Paulsboro Head Start program, I could feel an energy there that was different from what I remembered - and it felt good!! I soon realized what it was, or maybe I need to say WHO it was. There is an individual there who shines a light as he opens up to accept and affirm all of the staff and the children in the program. It is exciting to see how he cares for those with whom he works, and even more exciting to see how they respond to him! I asked him what might make the difference with him and how he is. Here is what he said: "Martie, I believe that there is good in every person. I look for it and I see it!" Oh my goodness. Felisburto catches them all doing something right. We went on an adventure together through the center, visiting the classes where the children and the teachers were engaged. The language they used was expansive and caring. There was spontaneous learning taking place throughout the center. One might say it was summer and everything was more "laid back" and maybe that had something to do with it all, but there was more. Ms. Susie, the family worker in the program almost "forever" shared that when people come in looking for good things to be happening, they can find it.

Thanks to all of the children and staff who welcomed me and made my "short" visit keep going. I kept saying, "I have to leave". Finally, I did but looking forward to the next visit we have scheduled in a few weeks.

Marian Dances her way through life!!

2008-07-11T06:51:00.003-04:00

Marian is a wonder and a joy and is dancing her way through life! I met her at the Cumberland County Fair as we were walking to see the animals. First I saw the welcoming greeting of her face and the I noticed the ribbon on her chest. I had to know about it and decided to ask. What does it mean? She has been in 4-H for just about 60 years! Amazing! She had stories to tell and I wished I had my handy little notebook with me for recording them. For now, I have to rely on my memory. As a young girl, she began, as many of us do who were involved with 4-H, with cooking and sewing. She baked the cookies and pies and made the aprons and skirts. She had her gardens with vegetables and flowers and then she discovered DANCE. Dance is how Marian has been moving through life for oh so many years now. She was the leader for many clogging groups because music just brings you alive. Now, she no longer dances, but has passed along the tradition to her children and grandchildren. Her granddaughter is the "leader" of the 4-H clogging group now, but Marian is right there with her since they need an adult leader present. Maybe she can't move the body as she used to, but the mind is active and she shares her skills through her words. She only lives a few miles from the Fairgrounds and can just about zip over in her wheelchair.
I know that had we taken more time, there were so many more stories to share. Thanks Marian for all you have done, and continue to do, to add joy and delight to the lives of so many youngester and oldsters. You are a wonder.

QUIET JOY!!!!!

2008-07-01T16:21:00.003-04:00

Today I learned a lesson!! I learned that JOY can be quiet...quiet joy...and tears don't always have to be ones of sadness...they too can be tears of joy.
This morning I went out to sit in the garden and watch the bees on the liatris. Their beautiful spikes - growing like weeds in the garden - are a gift. Then I looked over to the milkweed and saw it in every stage of its growth, except for the seed pod that throws off the beautiful skilky seeds. That too will come a bit later...with patience all things come.
After all of this, and watching some kind of red beetles mating on the milkweed, I walked to the back and looked at the one sunflower standing alone, strong, straight and proud. The light was shining on it just so...and I received this image. I call it Tuesday's Treasure and wish you all a HAPPY JULY. All of you, and my friends on http://www.flickr.com/ (I am daretoaffirm) have been warm and accepting and affirming...yet today I AM SATISFIED with the picture in all of its glory even if no one else comments on it!!
I needed to share these lessons with all of you...and with Bill. He is often happy, but his joy and happiness are expressed and felt in quiet ways. when I need to OH WOW the joy, maybe I am disappointed when it is not there and maybe, just maybe I need to be still and present and respect the QUIET JOY.
This is a major growth event for me - a step ahead in the dance of the relationships and adventures of my life. Thanks for listening. It is my wish that you too discover the QUIET JOY that can give your life balance.

On the Road Again!! Dancing with Susan...

2008-06-26T18:50:00.003-04:00

The Dance of Relationships is never ending! We all have ENERGY and we all like to have FUN!! Just thought this was a cute way to remind you all of this. What are you doing to dance your way through life?? Hope it is summer fun...safe travel, lots of enjoying nature, and just spending time hanging out with friends. I am off to Albany, NY to spend a few days with my dear friend/colleague Susan Perkins. We are planning to do lots of fun stuff - walks, concerts, and also talk about the layout for the SHOE book!! What?? You haven't heard about it yet?? It's in the works...all about the journey to self discovery and self acceptance as we dance our way through life and relationship building. The fun part will be that the main character is a PAIR OF SHOES and her journey/adventures to learn about herself through relationship buildling!!
Friend Amanda from New Zealand says it needs to be small enough to fit in the purse so that when you are out and about and need a reminder ...just pull out the book and have a look!! More to come when I get back from this adventure on the journey of life. Tah Tah for now!!

He Got It!! Jammin' Together

2008-06-25T15:48:00.004-04:00

Perry and Bill Learning and Sharing!!
On a warm Saturday in late June, Bill and I went to the South Shores Music festival at the Cumberland county, NJ, fairgrounds. Since Bill loves his music and has been learning to play the harmonica, he put some of them in his backpack to take along. Since he's not one to play in front of others, he knew he could find a quiet place off to a side and just play along. Today was different!! The fourth group to come on - Home Made JamZ - was incredible. There was Papa Perry (in the pictures above and playing the harmonica), Ryan (16) on the guitar, Kyle (13) on the bass and Taya (9!!!) on the drums. They are billed as the youngest blues band, have made CDs and are on tour. Talking to their Dad, Perry, and their Mom, Trish, is a blessing. They are home schooling the three and just give them guidance and allow them to BE! It shows - and Trish says they are also "typical" siblings, squabbling as they travel to concert dates.
Back to Bill....he was standing with Perry and a few others when I came over and started talking too. I shared that Bill played the "harp" and before I knew it, Perry had lifted the fence to the performers area and he and Bill spent half an hour talking and playing and sharing. Bill wanted to know how to "bend" the notes, and with practice and Perry's watching and guiding, well, HE GOT IT!! You can see the look on both of their faces. So proud and excited!
Later, sitting at a picnic table, Bill took out his harmonica and played along with the music. Another musician was standing nearby and came over to tell Bill how good his playing sounded! What an amazing day - what a day full of kindness and affirmations. What a reinforcement about the goodness of people!
Reach out...share...talk...listen...and you just don't know what stories and lessons will come your way.

Meet Taya Perry: 9 and an Incredible Drummer!!

Lazy Hazy Days of Summer!! Be JOYFUL!!

2008-06-22T06:44:00.003-04:00

What an incredible view! Recently I was in Woodstown,NJ to meet friend for lunch at Beans Coffee Shop - a treat in itself! Since the day was spectacular, I decided to arrive early and just sit outside and see...reflect on life, the gifts we are given, and just the simplicity and beauty of it all. Today was a JOY. Beans had several tables and brightly colored umbrellas out front. I sat and watched the clouds, the people and everything all around me. I didn't want to miss a single gift I was receiving!! Rather than just looking out and about, somehow I had the thought to look UP. WOW. The rainbow of colors and designs from the umbrella - looking at it from underneath rather than straight on from afar was eye popping! It just made me want to get up and dance!! No, I restrained myself. Then I turned and looked at the reflections in the windows...all of the little squares with circles within. The guy without the shirt...just staying cool in the summer heat. Then I looked across the street to the local grocery/newstand and saw the person I decided to call the "unofficial mayor of Woodstown". He had on the coolest blue and white "dancing" shoes and I watched as he greeted everyone who passed by. I found out that he is often there and is known and knows everyone!! What a spirit of life. The final joy of the moment - of course, before JoAnne arrived - was to look on the table and see the reflections in my sunglasses. Too cool!! Since I have been so engaged in photography, I have become much more aware of colors, true, but even more, I am aware of how many reflections there are everywhere. It gives me pause - has slowed me down, and allows me to reflect on life in all of its glory.
Do you take the time to stop, be still and reflect!?! It is a gift we are all given if we just open the box of the "precious present" and accept. Try it...somehow it fits with the slower days of summer.

Eyes: Windows of the Soul

2008-06-08T08:53:00.005-04:00

When I first meeet a person, it is his or her eyes that stand out to me. Do you notice these? I can tell so much:

I can see an essence that describes what is going on inside...
I can see if this is an open and communicative person who looks you right in the eye...
I can see if this is a person to be trusted...
I can see joy or sadness...
I can see a sense of confidence...or not
I can sense a willingness ...
I can meet a new friend...

The assignment in the photography class was a portrait with natural light. Once I saw Beth's eyes - the top left picture in the collage, I had a focus for myself for the evening. Being the individual that I am, I followed my path and looked into the eyes of those in the group.

What do you see? Do you look at people's eyes? Can you learn from what you see? If you never have, try it. It can be pretty amazing.

Right Brained Curiosity to CREATE!!

2008-06-03T09:12:00.003-04:00

What do I have here? What do I see? What can I do with this? And what else can I do with it? It is amazing...ALL of the POSSIBILITIES that I see!! We always talk about learning taking place every day in every way. I watched Bob as he was thinking about taking a picture...thinking of all of the possibilities of the camera, the light, the subject and whatever else might come to his "right brained" mind. It was a fascinating study as I could just about see his mind in operation.
Bob and I talk a lot about the TAO of photography...the zen of being...and just BEING in the present moment. Everyone would do well to begin this practice - just sit, look, listen, and well, take pictures without a camera. This way they are imprinted in your heart and will always be present for you.
Recently I discovered a photographer in Los Angeles who takes pictures of the homeless and shares their stories with folks who sign on to www.flickr.com. Why I write about this. To me, Paul shows once again how the Dance of Relationships is everywhere. He has through his unique style, developed a TRUST with people who allow him to photograph them and share their lives. I am not there to see exactly what he does, but my guess is that he offers them RESPECT, attention and affirmation of their worth to him.
It only takes a second to acknowledge another, offer a smile or a kind word...and never know how you might have made them feel.
DARE to AFFIRM and have a wonderful week - for yourself and for those whose lives you touch.

Dancing Their Way Through LIFE...One Step at a Time

2008-05-13T16:05:00.005-04:00

What are they doing?? What is the meaning of all of this? What do I see and why do I share this?? SHOES...from the first spark - the orange and pink laces in New Brunswick, Canada 4 years ago, I have been noticing and photographing the shoes that others CHOOSE to wear - and yes, we have choices ...usually. This past weekend, while at the Pitman Craft Show, I took close to 200 more views of people's feet. It is NOT the shoes, but the stories and the conversations that I have that are a big part of my reason for doing this. NO ONE (well, one guy last week in a coffee shop) has refused my request. See, I start out with AFFIRMING them..."You have great shoes. Can I take a picture of them to add to my collection?" I share with them that I am writing a book about shoes...how the shoes are in some ways a metaphor for life (thanks Bob!!) and also how they allow us to express our uniqueness and our diversity!! Same...yet different. It is how we all our...we are human beings and then unique individuals. We vary in physical appearance, behaviors, temperaments and the "baggage" and history that we bring to any relationship. See, it IS all a dance. Sometimes we trip over our own feet trying to dance. Sometimes we flow gracefully around the floor, often with a partner...or not. It is WONDERFUL!!
Now I have taken some of the shoe pictures and made them into cards. When I take a picture, I now have an AFFIRMATION CARD to give to people to say THANKS and to share that I have "caught thems doing something right."
People are responding to our workshop topics and asking us to facilitate sessions for them, the shoe collection is growing, and through Flickr.com and my friends there, I learn to value and appreciate affirmations I receive and those I can share with others.
See, all over the world, IT IS A DANCE!! Put on your shoes and get going. Then write and tell us how catchthemright@aol.com

Painting Our World...One Stroke at a Time!!

2008-05-10T18:14:00.004-04:00

Today I met Heather and Patti , "COLOR ME HAPPY" face painters, at the Pitman,NJ craft show. I want to share with you what FUN we had getting to know one another!! It all started out as I was watching Heather paint the design on Patti's face) and Patti asked me to take a few pictures with her camera for them. I said, "Of course, and then can I take some for me too?"Being my usual self, I watched...waited and saw what they were doing before I took any action. Then I saw their total joy at what they were doing - their friendship with each other, and their eager anticipation for what the day would bring - and the gifts they would offer others. Wonderful!! I had taken a few pictures and...along came Joe!! Well, let me tell you, Joe was eager to share that he was a "photographer" and had just spent a LOT of $$ for his new Nikon single lens reflex camera. OK for him...not necessary for me. Personally I take my best pictures with a Fuji FinePix 31fd. It's what is called a "point and shoot" camera and it is always with me since it fits right in my pocket!! Joe took one picture of them and gave them his email/website if they wanted the picture. Then he was off. I spent about 20 minutes with them and took about 20 pictures!! Why do I tell you this story? It is so "out there" in the world. People are interested in who they are, what they have and what they are doing. Nothing else. For me, it is a different approach and for me, as you who read this know, it is about AFFIRMING, NURTURING and "catching them doing something right". I went to the craft show today with an open mind thinking of who I would meet, what I would see, new friends I would gather, and stories I would have to tell. Patti and Heather, well, Joe too, were all part of today. Besides that, I saw incredible shoe pictures and brought home more than 200 more for the collection. Have I shared that we are developing the idea for a book - or maybe more than one about Unity and Diversity using shoe photos?? Well...now I have. We are going to post some of the shoe pictures on the web-site and asking all of you to send us your shoe pictures that tell us about YOU. How do your shoes show that YOU are a UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL??? Let us hear from you...and thanks. catchthemright@aol.com See ya again real soon!!
ps...want them to come to your party or event?? colormehappyface@hotmail.com

Stopping to SEE...Reflect and Relate

2008-05-09T11:10:00.003-04:00

The Perfection of Imperfection...

I have been spending a lot of time with photography and reflecting on the connections between it and DARE to AFFIRM. What I realize is that when I am just still and appreciative as I observe nature, I see and feel the energy of what is around me without trying at all to judge or have preconceived notions. When this happens, life flows smoothly and I feel at peace. When I am unsettled, I try to "shoot" the perfect picture and end up with nothing I am satisfied with. The other morning, I visited our garden...just so see and receive. This rose bush showed me its beauty in all of its colors and stages of being. There was perfection in the imperfection. Every part of the plant was unique, just like we all are as individuals. Even the thorns, the tight buds and the bugs, were a part of nature's plan that showed itself to me. It had strengths and challenges.

Later in the morning, I thought about facilitating classes and workshops and even back to the times when I was a classroom teacher. When I was still and settled, meeting the group with love and an open mind to receive from them, the sessions flowed with loving respect. When I was "uptight", the flow was not the same. I discovered TEACHABLE MOMENT S in all of these lessons from nature. For me. it connected me to who I am, what I see and what I do. I am filled with gratitude.

Do you have similar stories to share with me? catchthemright@aol.com I would love to hear from you.

REMEMBERING MOM...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

This wild violet was growing in our yard and part of my early morning discovery the other day. It revealed itself to me in all of its simplicity and also opened up some memories stored in my heart. These flowers always bloom for Mother's Day and every year I would make a bouquet for Mom of these violets. She loved them. She also loved iris as her favorite flower. She couldn't tell me why but just did. Now as I write this message for Mom, I realize that I have shared the violet picture and am looking out at my garden just filled with iris in bloom. Coincidence? What do you think?? I think NOT. It is the synchronicities of life that are always present for us when we are open and still and pay attention to them.

My greatest Mother's Day gift this year is that Jon will be coming "home" from Japan to spend 12 days in NJ. We will reconnect, store up hugs to last until next time, and just generally hang out and BE together. After all, isn't that a big piece of what relationships are all about!!!?!?!?!? I wish all of our readers a wonderful, peaceful Mother's Day and hope that you take the time to NURTURE AND AFFIRM YOURSELF as much as I hope your family will take the time to NURTURE AND AFFIRM YOU.

Dancing with My Sister...A Gift

2008-04-29T16:34:00.003-04:00

As I grow older and wiser, I come to recognize the treasures in my life. They are NOT things, but people and those with whom I dance. These relationships are so present in my heart. One of these special people is my sister Lisa. We are 9 years apart, so growing up, we were somewhat like strangers in each other's lives. When I left for college at 17, she was 8. What did we have in common except the same parents and other family...and growing up at the NJ seashore.
As the years have gone by, I have come to see so many similarities. In some ways, I chuckle and think we could be fraternal twins born 9 years apart!
Can you believe, Mom could not tell who it was on the phone. We sound alike. We also got our love of life, our people skills and a spontaneity and zest for living as a gift from our Dad. Wish he were here to see us and our kids growing so much older and wiser in the past 25 years. We still miss him and his ways.
Why do I write about Lisa today? She shared a story with me last night that is so "DARE to AFFIRMish". She recently spent time with a few other families and one of the moms was not the most nurturing and affirming person with her young teen. Lisa saw this happening, empathized and decided to be positive with the daughter. At one point, the mom said to Lisa, "I know what you are doing!! I am not always positive and you have been that way for my daughter." To me, that was a powerful step that Lisa's behavior was recognized and even valued. Isn't role modeling one of the best ways to subtly guide other people's behaviors - and if we are lucky, even make changes!?!?
It is important to me to affirm my sister and appreciate how much she "gets" DARE to AFFIRM and the values and lessons that are so important to me.
She truly knows how to "catch them doing something right." Thanks Lisa Hope for the gifts you give to me.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. in Many Languages

2008-04-20T17:48:00.005-04:00

Saturday at 6:15, I left Pitman to head to a Week of the Young Child Conference in Delaware where we were scheduled to present a training workshop that we called R.E.S.P.E.C.T. It was designed to give pause, think what the word was all about and how to truly practice it for the good of ALL! I was less than 10 minutes from home when I was greeted by a sight that made me stop and pause, filled with gratitude and respect for the beauty of nature and the gift I had been given! I am not usually out and about to see the sunrise, let alone one as spectacular as this. I just knew that the day would be filled with treasures and our hearts were about to be filled with so many new friends. And that it was. Read on.
There are so many "keys" that unlock the treasure chest of RESPECT. One of the fun parts of our training workshops is to create materials that are visual representations of what we are doing - and then engage people in movement and hands on activities as they internalized the concepts.
We started out with quotes about respect, encouraging each of the groups to develop a definition to share what this word meant for self, others and non-people/the environment. The responses were thoughtful. We want to share a few ideas:
1. To be humble, love yourself, and have high self-esteem. As you give it to others, you will receive it back ten fold.
2. Affirming and treating others as you want to be treated.
3. Being honest with yourself and loyal to others.
4. Help all and hinder none!
Then we had so much fun with the "Keys of Respect" exploring together ( and getting a bit rowdy at times) to see which ones opened the treasure chest of respect. We have a list of 30 we created and would be happy to send them to anyone who sends us an email request: catchthemright@aol.com
We ended the session creating a Bill of Respect that the participants created together - what they would take with them as guidelines and reminders for building respectful relationshps.
PREAMBLE: We, the Nation of Nurturers, in order to form a more perfect society, establish respect, ensure harmony & tranquility, provide for common understanding, promote affirmation of self & others, and secure self-worth for all, do create this Bill of Respect.
1. Be an individual and allow it in others.
2. Listen well to yourself and others.
3. Provide equity, fairness & consistent rules for all.
4. Be trusting and trustworthy/loyal.
5. Be still and notice: Watch, Ask and Adapt.
6. Be kind and caring.
7. Respect boundaries.
8. Be truthful.
9. Respect yourself, your community and the environment.
10. Accept responsibility.
This list is in no way final - only what two groups of people on a beautiful Saturday in April created for themselves and others.
They noted that Respect is really the Golden Rule.
We take it one step further: Do unto others what you want others to do unto others.
CATCH THEM DOING SOMETHING RIGHT.

Connections: Delaware AEYC & Beth Inter

2008-04-04T10:55:00.002-04:00

Organization, Responsiveness and Efficiency are the first words to come to mind when one thinks of Beth Inter. Beyond that there is warmth, smiles and caring!! You only have to know and work with Beth for a short time to see all of these characteristics and you count your blessings that she is on your team!! It is easy to "catch her doing something right!!"
Beth is part of the leadership team at the University of Delaware's Early Learning Center and an active member of the Delaware Association for the Education of Young Children (DAEYC)
Why is she so special? Well, you have already read some of the descriptors for Beth, but we want to recognize one of the special projects she has rebirthed for DAEYC. In yesterday's mail, we received the Spring 2008 issue of "Small Wonders", DAEYC's newsletter. Why is this special for early childhood professionals in Delaware? It is a forum for members to contribute their ideas and happenings and a way to become involved in the early care and education life in Delaware. This had been missing in people's mailboxes for awhile and thanks to Beth, it is again coming on a regular basis. It is her energy and commitment that has made this happen, but even more her ability to network with other professionals to make the production a group effort.
Join with Martie, Allison (DARE to AFFIRM) and so many other Delaware early care and education professionals to celebrate the Week of the Young Child on April 19's conference at Delaware Technical & Community College's Terry Campus in Dover.
WE will be dancing to Aretha as we celebrate RESPECT for ourselves and one another.

The Children's Message to the World!

2008-03-23T12:48:00.004-04:00

This message says it all - what the world needs NOW and what the children of the Mullica Hill Friends School wish for everyone! Bill and I were out seeking "photo ops" and this one just happened to be right there for us!! Thank you to the children for undertaking this project and sharing it with the world.
As we enter into Spring - the season for new growth and new hopes - as well as the welcoming back of our "old friends" - the spectacular flowers, birds and butterflies, let's open our hearts to the children's message and wish for world peace. Let us allow people to be who they are, believe as they do, and develop more of an understanding and respect for those who are different from them.
We remember Friends School fondly. Our son, Jon, spent some formative years there with many special teachers - Delores, Anne, Margie and Randy. They recognized his strengths and nurtured him as the unique individual that he is. We can be sure that they were partners with Bill and me in developing this truly amazing person. We are grateful!!
As we travel out and about with DARE to AFFIRM, Allison and I are meeting so many of you who exemplify the same nurturing, trust, caring and compassion.
May we wish that you continue your wonderful work and share the message with the world.
Dance in Relaltionships and "CATCH THEM DOING SOMETHING RIGHT"!!

LISTEN!! REALLY LISTEN!!!

2008-03-21T08:42:00.004-04:00

The assignment for the photography class was a "Creative Self-Portrait"! What to do? How could I express myself in a way that was different yet showed who I was and what was important to me?? I sat with the camera pointed at me and started shooting. One picture was of my ear wearing a "simple" pair of earrings. Hmmmmmmm. Then the thought came to me from somewhere deep within...why not take more pictures with different earrings?!? For the next minutes or hours...I got lost in time, I did just that and this is what resulted. What does it show about me? For one thing, I find unusual earrings FUN to wear. For another thing, I am learning more and more to be a good listener. No, that is not always an easy thing for me or many others in my life. Did you ever notice how so many people say they are "listening" but truly are only hearing your words and waiting for a quick break in the conversation so they can begin talking about their favorite subject...themselves!! How often have Bill and I gone out to a social gathering and come home knowing lots about many people there and realizing they know little if anything about us?!?
So what does it mean to be a good listener? Here are some of the thoughts I would like to share about that. It is not enough to remain silent while others are talking; this is not listening in any true sense.
1. Focus on the other person - not allowing yourself to be distracted by what is going on around you OR listening to your own thoughts or concerns.
2. Show you are listening by appearing interested, leaning slightly forwrd, nodding occasionally and acknowledging at intervals.
3. Find some aspect of what the person is saying to be genuinely interested in.
4. Make and maintain eye contact - yet break it occasionally so that the other person doesn't feel under the microscope.
5. Subtly mirror the other person - smiling, frown, modding and laughing when they do.
Anyone can hear. It takes brains to listen!
Research has shown that ineffective listening habits present the most common barriers to success in relationships.
Let me mention another word that gets in the way of listening and true understanding. I call it the "A" word and it often gets people into trouble.
Have you ever said, "Well I "A"ssumed that...
then a situation occurs and what you assumed is not true...and every0ne can be embarrassed?!?
I have learned to ask questioins for clarification. I know it sometimes annoys people because it seems like I am "nit picking" , but for me, as I remember something that Stephen Covey said - it is about first understanding before I can be understood. "Let me be clear about what you are saying".
Allison and I have designed a variety of workshops for relationship building with DARE to AFFIRM and relationship building through LISTENING is an important topic to us.
We understand that we are in our own "learning laboratory" as we do this work and practice our dance steps. Sometimes it can be challenging and we are always open to growth!!
Join us on our journey.
HAPPY SPRING!!

Best Friends on an Adventure

2008-03-14T11:02:00.005-04:00

The Picture that started it all!!

Best Friends...yet such Individuals!!
Four years ago, Bill and I journeyed out on yet another of our Epic Adventures - this time to the Maritime Provinces of Canada for a month: New Brunswick, Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island. At a lobster festival in New Brunswick (I got my picture taken with the lobster king and it was in the local newspaper the next day), I saw a young woman walking toward me with the "coolest" shoes. They were white sneakers BUT the amazing experience was how she expressed her individuality!! The shoe laces were big and bold and different. One was flurescent pink...the other - fluorescent orange! I stopped right where I was and just looked and looked. Then I stopped her and her friend and chatted with them. I told her I found her shoelaces soooooooooo exciting and could I take a picture??!?! She and her friend laughed and said "sure". Little did I know that this picture would start me on yet another kind of epic adventure. Since then, I can't help but notice people's shoes and their styles.
I have come to realize that in one way, everyone is the same because they all wear shoes. Yet, I have also come to realize that each person is so unique and that their shoe choices express their uniqueness and individuality!!
They represent choices...comfort...appearance...color...style...types of materials...laces...velcro...slip ons...boots...heels or flats...and I could go on and on and on. Instead of using words ...yet...to tell about the shoes, I take pictures. It is so much fun to "chat people up", compliment them on their "cool" shoes and then tell them about my project. We laugh together and then they are pleased to provide me with a photo op!! Some are concerned that they haven't had a pedicure lately and only twice has anyone said no. I could almost tell before I even asked that this would happen. It's just my intuition at work.
Now, I am still finding unique shoes...like the ones I saw just yesterday at the Trenton train station and you see here. I asked if they were "best friends" out on an adventure and they immediately said "YES". I then pointed out how they could be best friends and yet express their uniqueness - boots, awesome colored sneakers and flip flops with red painted nails. It is a great conversation time for me with people (one of my favorite things to do) and people truly LOVE the attention. In my way, I am CATCHING THEM DOING SOMETHING RIGHT - making a shoe choice and expressing themselves through their choices - and I am affirming them for it!! It is such a WIN WIN situation!!

New Dancing Partners!!

2008-03-12T19:20:00.006-04:00

We can find Dancing Partners and build relationships anywhere! The latest is once again a group of unique individuals, who have gathered together to learn a bit about the technicalities of photography but more important to use their right brains, trust their intuition and see the world with child-like wonder. That is the way to capture the best photos!!
Photography is a great way to live the DARE to AFFIRM process. First we have to Discover ourselves and our strengths. Some people take "big" shots of what they see - everything has to be in the picture, while others begin to trust and look at the smaller details that make up the whole picture. Neither one is right or wrong. It is only what suits the person at the time s/he is taking the picture. The beauty is with a digital camera, we can "catch people doing something right" and if it does not come out...well delete and move on!! There is no such thing as perfection!!
Then there is the "A" in the DARE to AFFIRM process - that is to acknowledge and affirm others. Everyone needs to know that his/her pictures are great - because they all are! Some might be not as clear as the takers thought, but the best part is that they took action and captured the moment. I wonder how many programs that build relationships have digital cameras now to capture people doing something right and record it!?!
The "R" in the DARE to AFFIRM process is the Relationship building. Last night almost 20 people came together in a group facilitated by Bob Reid. Only a few knew a few others. You can bet that by the end of the 6 weeks, there will be bunches of relationships built, photo ops shared and pictures displayed. Once people know that everyone is always doing his/her best, well, the dance goes on! One person did not even know how to use her flash while others had their "big fancy" single lens reflex (SLR) cameras and were pros. Aaah the beauty of the unity of the group and the respect for individual skills.
The "E" in the DARE to AFFIRM process is the Encouraging and Empowering that Bob and the class members have already done - and will continue to do with each other.
When we began DARE to AFFIRM, well, it was for building relationships to get to quality in child care. Still is but as we go on with this, we realize that the MESSAGE IS UNIVERSAL and we all need to live...and spread it.

We want YOU to send us your contest entries (see website for info http://www.daretoaffim.com/) and send your words ...and your pictures. We want to share your stories with the rest of the world!! catchthemright@aol.com
Remember every day in every way, YOU make a difference in the lives of others...

Debbie Discovers the Dance of Relationships!

2008-03-09T17:35:00.011-04:00

Read Aloud Delaware is about "giving kids a reading start. The single most important activity for building the knowledge required for eventual success in reading, is reading aloud to children - even when they are very young."

The organization is dedicated to the promotion of reading in Delaware. They are the only statewide organization focusing attention on the critical early years of child development. They promote reading aloud to children to encourage a love of books and a desire to become a reader. YEAH for all they do!!

Read Aloud Delaware builds relationships! What a perfect fit for DARE to AFFIRM. When Jennifer Bobel, the conference coordinator called to ask if we knew anyone who could do a workshop especially designed for those who worked with infants and toddlers, WE said, "Why not us?" We submitted "Love, Language & Emergent Literacy: Pathways to Emotional Development in Infants and Toddlers". We all know that there are sooooooooo many connections between language, literacy and social-emotional development. We wanted to share that information with conference participants. Saturday, March 8, 2008, we did just that!! We joined with over 700 staff, volunteers and participants to enjoy the keynote address by Mem Fox-the Australian author of "Reading Magic" and over 20 children's books. Then it was time for our workshops. The stage was well set by our welcoming hostess - Debbie Street. She had read our web-site, so as I walked down the hall, I heard "Hi Dr. Mollenhauer." Debbie had recognized me from the photo on the web-site and blog. Some of the Read Aloud board members had already shared with me that Debbie was warm and friendly. I knew this had to be her!! She was there for us throughout the day - setting up, joining in the sessions, and finding photo ops!! We are thankful to her for using many of her strengths with us. WE felt welcomed.

A highlight for Debbie was learning to "do the Dance of Relationships". Often in our training, we invite participants to join us in the Hand Dance. Yesterday was no exception. It's a powerful learning experience about relationships. The dancers engage in being the leader, being the follower and then seeing what happens when there is no leader and no follower. When you attend one of our training sessions, you will understand this more clearly and see which "works best". See the picture of Debbie dancing to understand that she was "getting it". Being a licensed clinical social worker made the learning experience simpler for her.

There was another learning experience yesterday as well. When we talked about social-emotional development for infants and toddlers, Erik Erikson's eight stages of psycho-social development-especially the first two - were a central focus of our discussion. Erikson viewed each stage as a struggle, a crisis to be negotiated before continuing to the next stage. Each future step is influenced by the previous one. The stages most important to infant toddler development are the first two. The first stage is the struggle to develop a sense of trust in the world -to know that it is a safe and responsive place. If this does not happen, the child develops a sense of mistrust in his/her world. The second stage of Erikson's theory relates to feelings of autonomy versus shame and doubt. The struggle to hold on or to let go is evident at this stage. Feelings of autonomy/independence emerge from successful experiences with choosing when to hold on and when to let go, and from many successful expwriences in letting go. Growth in physical development contributes to feelings of autonomy. If this does not happen, the child feels a sense of shame and doubt.

The Participants had "heard" of Erikson, but no one could share the stages and what they meant to successful infant/toddler development. This happened in both groups and Debbie was amazed. As a social worker, Erikson and relationships was so clear to her. Hopefully, after the lessons learned in the training, our "dancers" also have a clarity of understanding and can explain Erikson and what infants and toddlers need. It's not about knowing his name, but about understanding WHY what he says is so critical in relationship building with infants and toddlers and each other.

DARE to AFFIRM thanks Debbie Street, Read Aloud Delaware and all of the participants who joined us to share, listen and learn. We are facilitators and there to learn from one another.

Always the Optimist!!

2008-02-28T18:24:00.002-05:00

Every day when I go out into the world, I open my eyes wide, look around me, and am amazed at what I can find. I am an optimist who looks for the beauty and believes the best about people! Would the DARE to AFFIRM philosophy have been born without this approach? You bet not! Right now, I am looking for signs of Spring. Last week, I saw some leaves ready to pop open. A few days ago, I saw these daffodils bravely popping up through the snow and today I saw pussy willows with their little furry buds!! What more can a girl ask for?!? Well...
Allison and I have been working on creating so many training topics. We have developed these in each of the four categories of the DARE to AFFIRM process - Discovering and Nurturing Self
Affirming others
Respecting and Relating
Engaging, Encouraging and Empowering
As Spring is coming - of this we can be sure, we are heading out on the confernce circuit in NJ, DE, and PA! Soon we hope to add NY and MD!! We will be meeting and greeing thousands of like minded spirits, networking with fellow presenters, and gathering lots of stories for the Blog and our training.
Today we spent the day developing the content for TOUCH training. It's awesome how many ways we touch and are touched - spiritually, emotionally and physically. Touch is so central to relationship building.
We look forward to meeting and greeting so many of YOU in our travels.
Thanks for being so supportive and believing in our message. Your words to us definitely let us know that we are doing important things!!

Kia Ora Y'all From New Zealand!!

2008-02-25T19:35:00.003-05:00

Miriam McCaleb had to hang another load of washing on the line and frolic in the ocean with her daughter, but she took time to share with us first! Thanks!!
"Greetings to DARE to AFFIRM from the summery South Pacific from a Tennessean New Zealander. I find your vision and energy are so delicious and I just wish I could create situations where my favourite thinkers from this side of the ocean and that could be together and realize how remarkable it is that we're speaking the same language and thinking of the same things without consciously trying to.
My family gets truckloads of attention from me, and then the circles of connection move out through extended family, friends, neighbours and some attention to those farther removed...but they still get it.
Eye contact, smiles and greetings, questions and kisses and cuddles are freely given as benefit the nature of the relationship. I try to have connection all over the place, always trying to learn the names of the individuals in the little mobs of teens in our neighbourhood - and I greet them warmly. I specifically tell friends or colleagues or the purveyors of fine snacks in cafes 'I appreciate you'.
EVERYONE IN THE RELATIONSHIP BENEFITS. Anybody watching or paying attention is learning and benefitting from my every interaction, so I actively make them all magnificent!
I catch people doing something right ALL THE BLOODY TIME. This is true of relationships with adults and very true of relationships with "children" of all ages.
And ooooooooooooooooooooooh how exciting that I am to receive a gift for my entry though I was fully expecting I had already received my gift: THE INTANGIBLE DELIGHT OF SUPPORTING OTHERS.

Ashley's Affirmations

2008-02-20T18:22:00.004-05:00

A few weeks ago, I was sitting in Borders in DE when I looked over at the table next to me. There a young woman had cards, markers, stickers and more fun "stuff" to make prizes. Since I am a curious individual, I asked what was going on and if I could sit down to learn more. The answer I received was a warm and welcoming smile. We introduced ourselves and I was pleased to meet Ashley Brown. She wears many hats. The one she was wearing when we met was that of a before and after school teacher at Tender Loving Kare Private School and Day Care in Bear, DE. Here is her story about what she was doing that day. Ashley entered our contest!!

"I give affirmation to everyone I come in contact with including family, my students, co-workers and to people I meet everyday. I am in a business where we are constantly around people and are meeting new people so I am usually "other driven" and take time out to make sure other people know that I appreciate them. (Ashley and her husband have a business, Financial Solutions Provider in Wilmington, DE)

One way that Martie caught me affirming others is with a card I made for my before-care program students at TLK. My students, ages 6-10 years old, were challenged to play the quiet game and the winner would receive a prize. Of course, 13 out of 15 students won the game, so I decided to make cards for them and tell them in the card how I appreciated their awesome behavior and am blessed to have them as my students. Each card was multi-colored and had the first initial of their name on the front. The next day in the classroom, I hid each card somewhere in the room and let the kids know they had to find their individual prizes. They LOVED this idea, and said, "This was fun Mrs. Ashley. Thank you!" I enjoyed watching them search for and then open the cards. Something so small turned out to mean so much. I was affirmed by their joy!

An added thought on Ashley's email: "Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away."
Send in your contest entry and see your story here on the blog!
Go to our web-site for details about entering http://www.daretoaffirm.com/

Unity...and Diversity with Crazy Quilters

2008-02-16T05:43:00.007-05:00

This quilt won BEST of SHOW at the Garden Patch Quilt Show at the Wheaton Arts Center in Milville, NJ March 15, 2008!! CONGRATS!!

Today I want to acknowledge a group of women in New Jersey that call themselves South Jersey Crazy Quilters! They are unique individuals who all express themselves through their designs and stitches. If you could look at this "challenge project" that they have just completed, you will find something the same in each of the 20 squares. Each person received a piece of the same fabric with bright colors, butterflies and bugs and flowers on it. They had to create a square for the quilt that included this. They had two months to do it.
THERE THE SIMILARITIES ENDED!!
The women are in the "mid-life range" from early 40s through - well "mom" is 95 next month!! and quite fascinating in the ways they express themselves.
If you could look closely, you would see that one person took the fabric and a little piece with a flower and used traditional colors. Others went to the opposite extreme and picked up the brightness of the oranges and yellows and pinks.
This was a "no rules" project - except for making sure the square was the right size and a piece of the fabric was included.
To complete this chapter of the story, the quilt was stitched together and embellished on all of the seams. It is important to affirm the energy and skills of a very special "leader", Jeanne Hagerman, the founder of the group, who guided the task. She is amazing and needs to be recognized and thanked! No, she did not do it alone, but she was the guiding light and a powerful set of "nimble hands".
Why do I share this story? We talk about affirming and valuing others and we recognized Jeanne. We also must recognize the other 19 women who brought their creativity and individuality to this project. It shows that we are all the same...all crazy quilters, yet we are each so different too in the way we choose colors, assemble our square and stitch.
IT IS NO DIFFERENT FROM EACH OF US IN EVERYTHING WE DO IN OUR LIVES. We are all one, yet we are all different. In realizing the sameness and respecting the differences, our lives are stitched together like the patterns of the crazy quilt. Like the quilt, there is UNITY for all of us, created by combining our originality and working to accomplish shared missions.
P.S. Watch for this quilt to be entered in quilt shows. We have also documented each square - and like each of us, recording our stories will add value to the quilt's historical value.

Discover DORA and her CONTAGIOUS LAUGH!

2008-02-12T13:32:00.000-05:00

Almost 25 years ago, I heard the LAUGH and it affected my life. What I know for sure is that this has happened to just about everyone that Dora Hunter comes in contact with. First you hear the laugh, then you see the giant smile that lights up her face and then you are hooked! Then she was a thirty-something wife, mom, daughter, sister and friend. Over the years, Dora has added many other roles to her always busy life (never giving up the original ones) - a family child care provider, a grandmother, an advisor and counselor, and the best friend many people could ever ask for.
Dora has been a mentor and role model to generations, affecting the lives of the children in her care and their families. She is always ready for advice - when asked - and that is the important piece. Well, she does admit that sometimes, when she sees a situation that is not respectful and nurturing, she won't hesitate to approach a child or a parent and share her thoughts. Her strong family connections and values guide her words and actions.
Over the years, Dora and I have danced in and out of many experiences, trading places as the leader and follower when we knew it was right. We could teach each other so much and she always had several words of advice for me. I want to share those with you:
1. Lighten up!! I even have a big elf hand puppet that she named Lighten Up)
2. Flush it!! Important words for Letting Go!! Thanks Dora!
We talked last week about DARE to AFFIRM and the four levels of nurturing and affirming. We know that we are well versed in the levels of affirming, relationship building and encouraging/empowering others. What we also admit is that we "slip" when it comes to the piece about affirming and nurturing self.
We wondered how many others did just the same.
Additional wise thoughts from Dora:
A. Many people just don't know how to give praise and encouragement -or to receive it
B. Others are really good at praise and encouragement because they try to make up for what they did not get in their lives growing up.
C. So many people are "dying" because they aren't acknowledged.
D. EACH OF US IN OUR SPECIAL WAY CAN DO WHAT WE CAN TO MAKE OTHERS FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES. Sometimes it just takes a smile.
E. Every day we wake up and are given so many more opportunities to practice it all - and have gratitude for those in our lives.
THANKS DORA for so many LIFE'S LESSONS.

CONTEST! CONTEST! CONTEST!

2008-02-11T09:24:00.000-05:00

DARE to AFFIRM is having a CONTEST! We ask for your entries that only take a few minutes of reflection and writing about YOU and who you are, what you believe and what you do!!

Sounds simple! It is and we have already received entries from California and New Zealand and inquries from Wyoming - as well as lots of local folks in the tri-state area of NJ, DE and PA

EVERYONE IS A WINNER!! and will receive a special thank you prize for entering.

NO, it is NOT an all expenses paid "cruise" with these able bodies sailors. It is a surprise!

HOW DO YOU ENTER? Go to our web-site http://www.daretoaffirm.com/ to see the questions we ask you to respond to.

WHAT WILL WE DO WITH THE RESPONSES? Two things:

1. Recognize you on the blog or web-site (Respectfully, with your permission of course)

2. Create written materials for all of you so that you can gather ideas, strategies and techniques that work for others - and make them work in your own life.

THANK YOU for the time you will take to respond to us.

YOU ARE VALUABLE and WE AFFIRM YOU.

Remember - EVERYONE has wise words to contribute. What someone thinks is "nothing" might be just the solution that someone else is seeking in his/her life! WOW

DARE to AFFIRM and Catch YOU and others doing something right

PS: If you would rather call and talk about your responses, that would be great...

(856) 256-8380.

LOVE, HAPPINESS & SERENITY

2008-02-05T11:23:00.000-05:00

We go through life according to our beliefs. I choose to keep some special angels on the desk in front of me to remind me of what is important in life. They all have names and they all are special. Today I choose to share the Angel of Happiness and the Angel of Serenity. The one reminds me that being peaceful is nurturing to my body, mind and spirit. The other reminds me that happiness is not something to be earned, but something that is!! It is within all of us as long as we believe. Ah, but do all of our beliefs work for us? I would like to think so, but do know otherwise. How can we change this?
AFFIRMATIONS: these are simple statements made on purpose to change some aspect of our lives. The more we do them, the more our behavior becomes like them! So let's concentrate on creating affirmations to empower and strengthen ourselves. Remember that we have control over our reactions to our world. Affirmations are strong positive statements that tell us that EVERYTHING IS WELL despite what the mind might be saying to us. We create positive thoughts to replace the negative ones.
IF YOU SAY THE AFFIRMATIONS ENOUGH, YOU WILL BELIEVE THEM.
OK...let's get you started on the process. Just reading and/or saying these words everyday will make you stronger whether you believe them...yet...or not. It can turn into a habit that represents a way of life - a POSITIVE one of LOVING YOURSELF.
Start by taking some time to think about areas in your life you would like to improve and how you might want your life to be. Write the most important one/s down in a list. Use one of these to write an affirmation for YOU!
Take a 3x5 card and write a positive statement on it:
"I am filled with energy"
"My body loves to exercise"
"I enjoy food that is healthy and nurturing"
"I believe in myself"
"I am at peace with myself"
"I have a fulfilling job"
1. Make sure that the words are written in the present tense.
2. Be positive.
3. These can either be spoken or written - or both.
4. Repitition is critical. Every time you say the statement, do it 10 times.
It takes 21 days to make a habit permanent
Remember the message of DARE TO AFFIRM - catch them doing something right and nurture and affirm it - THIS INCLUDES YOU.
Visit our website: http://www.daretoaffirm.com/ to see details about our contest and how you can enter. We ask you to share your words on how your nurture and affirm yourself and others. Everyone is a winner!!

It's Cool 2B Kind

2008-01-31T10:06:00.000-05:00

Just the other day in the copy room at Camden County Vocational Technical High School. a flyer was found. It's title was "It's Cool 2B Kind". It shared information about a competition that was to take place the month of January. The idea was to "write kids up for doing good things." It says that it is up to each teacher or staff member to decide which Acts of Kindness (AOK) are ok to write up. The flyer also talks about the importance of GENUINE acts and not just something to increase the numbers and win the contest. Each Friday, the results of the contest will be announced and posted and at the end of January, the grade level with the most points will get a dance party.

We affirm the school for putting the energy into this contest and hope that it generates enthusiasm and participation.

I have a few comments to add to this from DARE to AFFIRM's perspective:

1. If this in done for the month of January, what happens the rest of the year?

2. Do teachers and staff ever take the time to just tell the kids what they see that is "cool" and affirming?

3. I wonder if anything is ever done with the teachers and staff who are asked to do this for the students. I think about the PARALLEL PROCESS of "doing unto others what you want others to do unto others"?!

4. It is exciting for us to see that the "Catch them doing something right" message is for EVERYONE and not just for the early childhood field.

5. It is important to remember that the praise needs to be GENUINE. Have you ever noticed how children "tune out" when they are told they what they are doing is "pretty" or "good". It's always important to be specific. Try it. It works!

Exploring the Natural!

2008-01-30T14:21:00.000-05:00

See the exuberance and exploration of the natural!! I watched her for a long time one day as she explored the stones, let them run through her fingers, made piles and then stood and threw them as far as she could into the water. No matter that it was cold and blustery. No matter that anyone else was there. She was in her world, setting her agenda and capturing her own Teachable Moments. NAEYC's Young Children this month explores NATURE. They talk about children's discovering the wonders of nature through direct hands on expriences. The article talks about children's developing a reverence for life that can't be fostered in any other way. How lucky this little girl was that her father brought her to the river. How lucky she was that he stood back and watched her explore - and took the time to throw the stones into the water when she asked him!! How lucky we are to receive nature's gifts daily IF WE TAKE THE TIME TO SLOW DOWN AND NOTICE AND APPRECIATE THEM!!

Caring for the Whale

2008-01-26T08:01:00.001-05:00

Have you ever read the book Whale Done by Ken Blanchard, et.al? Well, Towanda Randall and the staff at GreenByrne Child Care Center in Philadelphia have. Not only have they read it, but that have developed a program for center staff using an idea from the book. Here is what Towanda shared with us:

"I wanted to tell you about a program we have here at our center for staff. It is called "Whale Done". We have a jar that staff and parents can put notes in. The notes will say what they saw a teacher doing that was good or helpful. Quarterly we tally up the names that are in the jar to see whose name was entered the most. We surprise that staff person with a special card and $50. They also will have to take care of the center's whale (a stuffed animal) until the next person is selected. Staff and parents love this idea and are very involved!"

Towanda was at our workshop at the Delaware Valley Association for the Education of Young Children in Philadelphia. She commented: "It was a pleasure attending your workshop. You are a very exciting and energetic woman and I applaud you." Thank you Towanda. DARE to AFFIRM applauds YOU!! We hope you all continue to "catch them doing something right"!!

A Special Relationship

2008-01-21T22:34:00.001-05:00

Rebecca and the Quilt: Lessons Learned

Meet Rebecca Rother of Wheaton, MD. Rebecca is a 17 year old high school senior, president of her Student Government Association at Kennedy High School in Maryland. Her intuition and insight about people and relationships has guided her to be a leader, and as she plans for college, her goal is to study Organizational Leadership. Was she always this way? Not at all. She tells the story of being in second grade and being too shy to want the photographer to take her picture for class photos. What brought about the changes?? For Rebecca it is her personal traits of watching and learning as well as persistence and determination that have been at the forefront of her growth. She blossomed when she entered high school in the Leadership Training Institute track. There she has had teachers who guided her and she has taken charge in some projects that were "perfect" for her strengths. Encouragement from her parents has also played a role in this growth as a unique individual.

Rebecca is my niece. OK, so I am a proud "Auntie M" and rightly so. This weekend we spent three days "hanging out" in NJ. Rebecca brought her quilt to work on. We didn't know all about doing this, but had some ideas. We made bunches of mistakes and worked to figure out other options. We learned that persistence and determination count. We also knew that neither of us was responsible for the mistakes but we "goofed" together and figured out things together. It was a wonderful example of love, forgiveness and teamwork!! This morning Rebecca sent an email that her motivation continued after she got home and the quilt is just about finished! YEAH for determination. We affirm Rebecca for that characteristic!!

We also visited Longwood Gardens in Kennet Square, PA to "welcome Spring" in their conservatory and indoor greenhouses. Rebecca took over 200 pictures of the flowers so beautifully displayed, and I took a picture of her in the Children's Garden!

Cozy Critters Cash

2008-01-16T11:10:00.000-05:00

Cozy Critters is a child care program in southern Delaware. Lisa Hudson, assistant director, shared this contribution with us about what they do at their program. "At Cozy Critters Child Care we use an appreciation tool we call "Critter Cash". Employees can use the cash they earn to cover any hours they have lost due to appointments, illness, etc. $5 of Critter Cash equals 1 hour of missed time. Critter Cash is laminated pretend bucks in denominations of $1, $5 and $10.
The staff can earn Critter Cash monthly by being voted Teacher of the Month by the parents, Employee of the Month by the Administration, perfect attendance, best kept room, team room or any time that we feel they deserve it...which is every day.
The employees really seem to appreciate the cash and enjoy being surprised when we enter the classroom and explain how they earned the cash and present them with it. We always get a "SMILE" in return.

The Energy that Feeds US

2008-01-14T09:39:00.000-05:00

As we talk about nurturing ourselves and providing energy to our bodies, I have to stop and ask, "Which body - Physical, mental, emotional or spritual?"

A few years ago, I worked with Rose Payne, a nutrition counselor in Cherry Hill, NJ. One day we were talking about food - well, that was the purpose right!?! and she asked a question about an important person in my life. I stopped and looked at her. "Why in the world are you asking me that when we are talking about food?!?"

She went on to explain to me the concept of PRIMARY FOOD. I just sat there and looked at her. Three years later, that concept is still in my head and heart and at the forefront of my thinking!

Rose went on to explain that primary food feeds us but doesn't come on a plate. It is things like hugs, kisses, warmth, meditation, hot baths, nature, close friends and lots of affirmations from others that feed our soul and build our self-concept. WOW...and all we thought was that we had to go on a "diet" and "eat right" and we would be set for life!!

Do you remember a time when you were so involved in an exciting project that you just forgot to stop and eat? You felt confident and stimulated! How wonderful.

It is never too late to claim this wonderful feeling.

Consider this: the more primary food we receive - from ourselves and others, the less we will be dependent on "secondary foods". Eating as much as we want doesn't satisfy the need for what we really want and that is relationships.

Take a few minutes to just sit and breeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttthe and focus on what you can do for yourself...and others...to make this a win-win situation for everyone.

(PS The photo was taken one day recently while we were sitting and appreciating the stillness and beauty of nature)

SMILES

2008-01-11T14:01:00.000-05:00

Joanne Shelor sent this quote today. We want to share it with you. It just fits so well with the Authentic Smiles I wrote about in yesterday's post. It is from Joseph Addison.

"What sunshine is to flowers,

Smiles are to humanity".

Authentic People ...sniff them out!!

2008-01-10T14:24:00.000-05:00

My sister, Lisa Rother, has been involved with city planning for most of her professional career. Recently, she shared information with me about "The Third Place" - a location besides home or work where someone goes and "fits". Yesterday, Allison and I worked at the Riverfront Market in Wilmington, DE, and I realized that in some ways, this has been a
third place for me. I have my "friends" there and I can spend time there comfortably. I want to tell you about a few of them.

Before I continue - why the picture of the pin in this post? To me, this represents the Dancers of Relationships, and I wear it as much as possible when I go out. I love the pin and also what it represents. Often someone will comment on the beautiful pin and ask where I got it. I often take it off and give it to them! It just feels right. I only give them one if they feel "real" and authentic to me.
A few weeks ago at the Market, I met Vonda - also known as "Mom-Mom" working at the coffee shop. Her warm smile welcomed me to her space. I felt affirmed. Yes, she commented on the pin and is the proud owner of one of her own. She is a "real" person.
Yesterday, we were there working and it was lunch time. When I went to order my sandwich, the young woman, Charlitha, asked me if I was the woman who gave her mother-in-law the pin. "Yes," I said. Now Charlitha had a smile that was equally as welcoming and a bright as "V"'s and a caring personality to go with it. I asked her if there was a story about her name. Her dad is Charlie(meaning strength & leadership) and her mom is Ruth (compassionate friend). They combined their names and added the "a" for femininity. Charlitha embodies all of that and more. She is an "authentic" person just as my intuition told me the same about "V". Yes, she proudly wears her dancer pin!!

What do I mean by an AUTHENTIC PERSON? Elisabeth Kubler-Ross talked about this in her book LIFE LESSONS. She said she could "sniff out" real people- you can smell them with all of your senses. If they smell real, she gives them a signal to come close. They are who they are and comfortable in their own skin. They are accepting and giving - loveable and open.
Are you an authentic person? Do you know authentic people? If we talked, would I quietly reach up, unhook my pin and gift you with it?? Is it easy to catch you doing something right?

Wall of Honor

2008-01-07T20:36:00.001-05:00

It is Monday and time to buy a lottery ticket. Went out for a walk to the local news agency - my "supplier". What would I do with the money? For sure, I would support and empower friends and relatives and fund a foundation for the DARE to AFFIRM campaign to spread the word faster than we can do right now. But then, the tortise beat the hare in the race now, didn't he?? So we can be patient and our message will spread as it is meant to.

Debbie sold me the tickets. Yes, I chose the cash payout because, hey, I am not so young that I would rather have an annuity!! No matter. Why I am really writing this is because of the conversation we had when I was there.

We talked about kids today and how they are different from "when we were raised". She shared that there are some kids who come into the news agency and just walk up to people and ask for a dollar! No, they don't know them. They just think they deserve it and for no special reason. These kids just don't have, as Debbie said, "the old fashioned values that we were raised with."

At that point, I took off my purple and orange DARE to AFFIRM button - the one with the Dancers of Relationships and gave it to her and told her what we were all about. She shared a perfect example of how kids are recognized and affirmed where she works.

Clearview Middle School in Harrison Township, NJ, has a Wall of Honor. When a student does something that deserves to be recognized, their name is put on the wall for everyone to see. Debbie shared the story of Tommy. Just the other day at lunch, he took the teacher's lunch tray when she was finished and cleared it for her. No one asked him to do that. The teacher asked his name (no, she was not his teacher and did not know him) because she knew he deserved to have his name on the wall. It was so gratifying to hear that a local public school was spending the time catching their students doing something right. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm...I wonder if there is the opportunity for a parallel process where the administration or students can catch the teachers in the same way?!? I will have to go back and ask.

Recognizing Change

2008-01-04T11:22:00.000-05:00

Allison and I are sitting today working on exciting changes for DARE to AFFIRM for 2008. We are talking about the people of Iowa and how they want change...it is time for it to happen in our country. They have recognized that they can make change happen. We realize that all of us can too once we are open to it and embrace it.
Our purpose with DARE to AFFIRM is also about change. We recognize that it must happen from the INSIDE OUT. First know who you are, your strengths, goals and belief systems. These are the polished jewels of your being. There are other pieces of you that need to be polished. Make a plan, take a step and go for it! It is challenging and rewarding when growth occurs. Go forth, take action and grow!!
Write to us catchthemright@aol.com and share how you are making this happen.

Leaders for World Peace

2008-01-02T20:16:00.000-05:00

Last month in The O magazine, Oprah interviewed Sir Richard Branson. He is rather an amazing individual - a risk taker who dropped out of school at 16 to start a magazine and has never looked back. He is a dreamer and an action taker. He began Virgin Records, Virgin Airlines and is building a spaceship and a launch site in New Mexico that will take him and his family into outer space!! He knows what he wants and goes after it. He has always been encouraged by his family and believes that he can make a difference.
Now he and Peter Gabriel have cofounded The Elders, a group of 12 outstanding former presidents, ambassadors, and Nobel Prize winners- a team of conflict mediators who will work for World Peace. You might recognize some of their names: Jimmy Carter, Nelson Mandela, Kofi Annan or Ela Bhatt.
In the same issue, there is an article, The Gift of Peace: The Next Generation - the children of some of our former civil rights leaders and champions of social justice - Martin Luther King III and Kerry Kennedy, among others. They too are world changers.

Reflecting on the issue of world peace, I think of ALL OF US as world changers and leaders who can influence the direction our world must take for peace, communication and love. Though we are not world leaders on a grand scale, WE TOO ARE LEADERS. People remember how we treat them, what we say, and how we make them feel. Every day we can "catch people doing something right" and make them feel valuable. In this respect, we too are world changers!

Richard Branson talks about "his company being its people. His companies are run on the basis of praising workers and looking for the best in them, not criticizing them. In the same way that you water a plant and it sprouts leaves, people florish when you praise them." Praising individuals and having them grow and flourish is our mission with DARE to AFFIRM.
Today my husband, Bill praised someone and made a change in the world. He was at a local service station and the woman pumping gas smiled at him and wished him a Happy New Year. He thanked her and told her what a great smile she had. He said she just beamed when he said that. He made a difference in her life...and she will remember him when he comes back because of how he made her feel.
If WE can impact these changes at our grass roots level...and the Elders and the Next Generationnworld changers can make a difference at their level, consider that we will have a strong influence at the top and at the bottom - and just maybe, we will meet in the middle and realize how much of a difference we have all made TOGETHER.

Vision 2008

2008-01-01T20:50:00.000-05:00

As the New Year begins, we have been reflecting on our vision for DARE to AFFIRM:
All people will experience and be

engaged in affirming relationships

with themselves and others.

Our mission is to empower ALL individuals to create positive and affirming interactions and environments in their personal and professional relationships. We know that this sounds so simple and yet is so complex. We all must have patience with one another.

We are creating a Catch Them Doing Something Right campaign and creating related workshops, materials and resources to provide strategies and techniques that build affirming relationships. We are discovering what many of you are already doing right, and will continuously be exploring more options for ALL- sharing this through this Blog and in personal communications. We are relationship builders.
We are talking to leaders, exploring and recording their Visions of Supervision. There are so many styles and we intend to share them with you as we gather our data. We are looking for more individuals who want to share with us and talk about their experiences and styles of supervision. Call or email us to schedule a date for a visit or phone conversation. catchthemright@aol.com or (856) 256-8380.
There is a lot written about supervision and especially Reflective Supervision. We believe reflective supervision is a complex process and a challenge to practice effectively and consistently. Instead, we choose to use the term Responsive Supervision. First a coach, mentor or supervisor needs to understand how to affirm and respond to those with whom s/he works. Appreciate them and the work they do. Tell them what you see that are their strengths. Build trust in your relationship. Feel comfortable in your role of guiding growth. Help them create action plans for polishing what is not quite shining. This is a blessing and a skill. The more you do it, the better you will feel about yourself as a supervisor and the people with whom you relate.
We are excited about the role DARE to AFFIRM is playing and the contributions we make to caring individuals and groups. This will grow as we network with like-minded colleagues and friends. We have an enthusiasm that motivates others to be who they can be.
Join us and open up to these experiences. We will all be better for them!!

Parenting Perspectives

2007-12-28T10:37:00.000-05:00

When I am out in restaurants, it is always eye opening to watch families with their children. A few days ago, I was in a Bob Evans family restaurant in Frederic, Maryland doing just that- observing families and their relationships. I want to share two families that were there and their approaches to guiding their children's behaviors They definitely illustrate two very different styles of interacting with their children.

The first family, a mom and dad and their two boys - James (3) and Joseph (1 1/2) were sitting across from us. James was active and curious. Dad was holding Joseph to keep him occupied. No was paying attention to James, so he did what he knew best - acted out in little ways to get the attention he needed and his little brother was getting. When they did notice something, their voices were reprimanding and loud. Hmmmmmmmm...who controlled the situation? Nothing that James did was right! "James stop that! Sit still. Eat your food or you don't get your ice cream. James you are not listening. When we get home, I am taking away Barney, your new car, the truck Santa brought."..and the list went on. He was not in a win-win situation and I could see that this was a pattern. As they were getting ready to leave, James went to the coat rack and hid his face in the coat. This could have been a cute moment and a spontaneous "where is James"? but what did dad do? He grabbed James' arm and said, "Get out of there. You know better!" Well, they were on their way home.

Enter another family - a mom and dad and their two boys - 5 and 9. From the second they were brought to the booth behind us, I knew that I would be seeing a different kind of experience. Dad suggested that they take off their jackets and showed them where to hang them. Then there was a brief discussion of who would sit with mom...and who with dad. Once they sat down, dad started discussing the menu and choices with the younger boy. He was allowed to pick what he wanted to eat. The older boy was deeply engrossed in a conversation with mom about what he was reading on the menu and what he would have. There was a gentle banter of conversation among the four of them and laughter as well. When I was getting ready to leave, I felt the need to stop and talk to this family. I shared my thoughts with mom and dad about the ways they talked with their boys, how they gave them choices and how their tone of voice sounded gentle and understanding to me. They just looked at me in amazement. WHY? I had caught them doing something right and shared what I saw with them! It makes them feel good to be noticed for what they do naturally, and it makes me feel good to share how I catch them doing something right!

This affirmed several things for me:

1. There are parents who "get it" and know how to respect and engage their children. We need to acknowledge and praise the job they are doing and share with the children how lucky they are to have such wonderful parents.

2. There are parents who just don't "get it" and were probably raised by the same kind of parents - and how are we going to reach them so that James can develop a sense of identity that he is a "good" boy rahter than the message that he is always "bad".

It's More Blessed To Give Than Receive

2007-12-24T07:50:00.000-05:00

With Christmas just around the corner, I have been reflecting on what it all means and how this winter holiday got so commercialized. When I was growing up, and when I was raising my children, it was about giving to others in some way. You spent your time and your energy - money was not important. The idea, as I understood it, was to go outside of yourself and reach out to another person. To give from the heart.
When my children were young, I helped them learn this concept by having them make gifts for our friends and family members. the two older boys, now in their 30s, remember the kitchen stools they made for those shorter members of the family who could not reach that top shelf or kitchen cabinet without some supportive height. I remember my daughter (the lovely young woman in the picture with me)- much younger than her brothers - meticulously drawing designs on the soon to be personalized stationery and envelopes. There were a variety of flavored popcorns, yummy, gooey Christmas cookies, burning carved name plaques and glittery coffee can pencil holders. All of these gifts were made with plenty of sweat, laughter and yes, tears@@ They were made with tender love and care and...from the heart!! Even the hand-painted ornaments were a hit!
So as the celebration of Christ's birth grows near, remember that this is a time of giving - NOT what you are going to get or for making long lists for Santa or going to the mall. I keep remembering what is dancing in my head and heart. IT IS MORE BLESSED TO GIVE THAN TO RECEIVE. Touch someone's heart this holiday season by giving a simple gift made with love from your creative hands.
Peace to all and a Happy New Year 2008. Love, Allison

RELATE in Northern Delaware

2007-12-20T08:58:00.000-05:00

In the Winter of 2007, the first pilot class for RELATE began its Relationship Building Journey together. This group of eight unique individuals were truly involved in the creation and revisions of the curriculum. They were not "shy" about offering their suggestions for change - and they were listened to, valued and affirmed. There were center directors, infant/toddler teachers and a family child care provider in the group - all eager to learn to dance, discover their strengths and develop more of an UNDERSTANDING of what they did every day with children and families. They developed strong relationships with each other and with us as facilitators, and we know that they continue to maintain those contacts as time goes on. There are always many unwritten objectives that can't be immediately measured as a group grows together. The growth continues for a lifetime. We value the journey.

RELATE: The Journey to Quality in Infant/Toddler Care

2007-12-20T08:20:00.000-05:00

RELATE: The Journey to Quality in Infant/Toddler Care is a 60 hour curriculum created for center-based and family child care providers in Delaware. It's all about Building Relationships and listening to ALL of the voices. It is about creating an UNDERSTANDING in providers about what they are doing. It is about EMPOWERING them to discover their strengths, believe in their professionalism, find their voice, and realize the impact they have on children, families and the greater community.
RELATE utilized The Program for Infant Toddler Caregivers (PITC http://www.pitc.org/) key concepts and its relationship based approach as a solid foundation for curriculum development.
These unique individuals from Sussex County, DE, were a pilot group in the Spring of 2007. They were motivated, excited and learned so much about themselves and the children and families with whom they worked. Allison and I valued, appreciated and affirmed them - we showed them what they knew already - and then how to enhance this learning. Everyone finished the class with new friends, new knowledge and an expanded sense of self. YEAH TEAM!!

Acknowledging Anna Scovell

2007-12-19T13:33:00.000-05:00

Anna Scovell - Reflective and Responsive

A True Friend and Support for Dare to Affirm!

It was early on a sunny morning at the beach. Anna and I were sitting and watching the ocean and the beach- waves, tides,movement and stillness. It was peaceful - no words necessary - a time to reflect on who we are and what each of us offers to those around us.
Anna is the Supervisor for the Sussex County Parents as Teachers program. In her position, she works with a variety of unique individuals - her Educators. They in turn serve children and families. She meets individually with each of her Educators for reflective supervision time discussing their time with families, how they have shared and how everyone has grown from the experience. She was sharing a reflective supervision experience from the previous day with me, and as a thought crossed her mind, she picked up her cell phone to call the Educator to "check in".
The call was gracious, warm and affirming. They talked about the previous day's supervision which was a bit out of the ordinary, and Anna thanked her Educator for being flexible within the experience. It was a short conversation, but one that would be remembered and that valued the person at the other end of the line.
Anna does this all of the time with her staff, colleagues, friends and family.
She is a leader, a student, and a mentor and realizes that each of her roles has an element of reciprocal motivation. She dances through her days, always pausing to reflect on what happened and what could be polished for the next time. She shows her sincerity and her passion for people as she communicates in words and actions - or silence.
Those of us who dance in and out of relationships with Anna Scovell are honored.

Rachel Fisher Goes the Extra Miles

2007-12-17T16:47:00.000-05:00

Last night Rachel Fisher of Arlington, VA, shared an empowering story. It was sent on to us and we want to "catch Rachel doing something right" - in fact many things. Thanks Rachel for being who you are and having such a positive effect on the world.
Rachel is a public school biology teacher. One of the students in her class, let's call him Thomas, has learning disabilities and is challenged academically. He tries really hard in class...does all of his assignments, and helps her and others with everything. He stays late to do things, is positive and helps with clean up in the labs.
Rachel gives bonus tickets to kids when they do those things, so although Thomas got a D- in his studies, she gave him a B- in the class for his motivation and for all of the effort he put into trying. She believes that this has helped him do even BETTER academically now and HIS PARENTS ARE HELPING HIM MORE. Rachel gave Thomas the encouragement he needed to excel in biology and his parents learned from her. How Cool is That?
See, the "catch them doing something right" message has a domino effect.

Degrees...or not...Appreciating the Caregiver

2007-12-12T08:12:00.000-05:00

Every morning Exchange Every Day (www.ccie.com/eed) has a quote and message waiting in mailboxes all over the world. Today, the information shared results of a recent study conducted by the University of Texas Health Science Center. Their research, as commented on by Susan Landry "is to come up with a model that gets the job done until we reach the day when we have the right kinds of salaries and the right workforce".
This continues to add fuel to the "fire"-the debate about formal education as an imperative in creating a qualified workforce. While we agree coursework and degrees are an important piece of creating the best and most highly qualified teacher/caregiver with young children, we have seen evidence over the years that there are other components that must be included in this model!! We need to be creative about how we design the most effective approach to "grow" the most highly qualified teachers/caregivers.
In my mailbox this morning was also information from the Institute of Heart Math (http://www.heartmath.com/ ) that included the following quote:
"Appreciation is one of the most powerful core feelings of all. When applied sincerely, it rapidly brings about a quick attitude adjustment and perception shift.
What needs to be included in the model to create the person who is most highly qualified to guide, nurture, and facilitate the learning of our youngest children? What must we do to build a strong foundation in these individuals so that they will build a strong foundation in children? (The parallel process in play again)
1. The person must discover his/her strengths and how to use them most effectively. How can this best be done?
2. The person must understand that s/he is valued and affirmed in the role of teacher/facilitator.
Do we all remember to "Catch them doing something RIGHT" every day? If not, how can this be done?
3. The person must understand his/her value as a leader AND as a follower in the "Dance of Relationships". If s/he has the strength to lead a project, go for it! and if not, honor the other person's strength and be their follower. How can this be done?
4. The person must know and respect those with whom s/he works, valuing relationship building as a core to team building. How can this be nurtured?
5. The person must know and respect the children's families, including them on the caring, learning team. How can this be encouraged?
6. The person must engage in continuous learning through formal education or high quality community based training. (Do the trainers have the degrees we are asking the teachers to have?) How can this be supported both financially and with release time to do the work?
7. The person must look to others around her and engage in mentor/coach relationships as tools for learning and growing. How can this be done?
8. I know this is not in any way a complete list, and I would value your input and dialogue to make this list grow.
Respond here or write to us at catchthemright@aol.com
We care about our children...and we care about those who guide and nurture them. Let's dare to think outside of the box and really move forward in making changes!
"We might not have it all together, but together we have it all". Let's live those words!!

ASTEROIDS...Natural treats for the Holidays

2007-12-11T10:57:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite connections is to go to Christina Pirello's cooking classes and demonstrations with my friend Lois Brown, a hypnotherapist and massage therapist from the Princeton, NJ area. Last week we went to Whole Foods in Marlton - if you haven't been there...consider a trip!! Nothing in the store has high fructose corn syrup and other non-natural ingredients...hence their name!!
I want to share a favorite recipe...ASTEROIDS. They are fun to make and so full of Teachable Moments for adults and children alike. They start out with fairly solid ingredients, are cooked together and become liquid and then harden back into a solid! The process of rolling them into balls - a fun and sticky mess - is a cooking time for everyone to share - lots of fun, laughter and mess! Isn't that how we learn best. Here's the recipe...so simple

1 cup brown rice syrup
1 cup almond butter
1 cup grain sweetened non-dairy chocolate chips
3 cups crispy brown rice cereal
In a large saucepan, heat rice syrup and almond butter until creamy. Stir in chocolate chips until they melt. Remove from heat and stir in crispy rice until well-incorporated. Roll these into 2 inch balls (keep a small bowl of water close by so you can keep your hands moist to accept the sticky goop!) For those who would love the treat but not the mess, you can press the cooked ingredients into a shallow, square casserole dish, set until firm and cut into squares before serving.
TRY THEM. YOU WILL BE HOOKED!! And they are all natural (no, that doesn't mean that they don't have calories, but they don't have the simple sugars)

The Synchronicity of Friendships

2007-12-10T21:01:00.000-05:00

About 7 years ago, I read an article in a magazine called Synchronicity and Leadership written by an early childhood administrator from Boston. Immediately - yes it was synchronicity, I wrote back to him and our friendship and caring has blossomed over the years. He just sent the following message:

Martie,

I am so impressed with your new site. Congratulations and much success. You are the living proof of believing in oneself. This site would not exist without your positive belief system and peseverance.

As a man who entered this field nearly 40 years ago (and has loved every second of it since!!), I have always felt that "power" in our EEC world needs to be thought of from the "feminine" side or perspective...i.e. as the power of attraction based on relationships, spirituality, caring and possibilities. Our field is 98% female and I for one have learned so much about the "yin" way of power...trusting in the intuitive and holistic to direct and guide from within. I think the world could use a really good dose of that right now.

If I had a wish, I would hope that the "power from within" that you write about would bring/attract the right people, the right information, the right actions to each and everyone of us in order that each of us might help "right" the world in the most profound and powerful way imaginable. Children and families all over the globe empowered need to be true to themselves and one another. And it all begins with the caregivers, educators and nurturers of young children being caught in the act modeling the way.

Thanks, Martie, for your good heart and powerful actions that are helping to make this a reality.

Best. Jim Robertson, Boston, MA

Angels in Our Lives

2007-12-09T22:06:00.000-05:00

Tonight I heard from Judie, the director at Twin Creeks Head Start in Titusville, PA. I was there a few years ago for a Head Start PRISM program review and brought home some very special friends. The connections have remained strong. Tomorrow they are welcoming a new team for a review - Judie's first as HS Director. We send our blessings for a postive week where the program will be caught doing things right!!

I always remember the conversations I had with the staff about how they recognized individuals. It happened every day, but they decided to do something special in the Spring.
Angel awards: I wanted to share with you the concept of angel awards that their program gave at their annual staff appreciation luncheon. They wanted to recognize the positive unique qualitities that people contribute to the program. They believe that each of us has had an "angel" or two pass through his/her life and these helpers have made their jobs a little easier.

Someone asked what would happen if a person did not get an angel award. Judie's response - so typical of her, "I'm not worried about having an award for each person. We are going to have so many for each person that we will need to decide which one to honor...and we did!!"

The angel award certificate reads: Angel Award: presented in recognition of the time when you walked softly into someone's life and left a lasting impression."

Thanks to Judie and the staff at Twin Creeks for sharing and caring.

2007-12-08T21:09:00.000-05:00

We have had guesses about the perfect toy...silly putty, a ball... No one has it yet! What about your ideas? Read the description again and think about it.
We have a special gift for the first correct answer!!
Write to us catchthemright@aol.com

Building TRUST...

2007-12-08T17:29:00.000-05:00

In this Holiday season, I have been thinking lots about gratitude and my friends and family. I realize that these relationships are treasures in my life that have been developed by building TRUST and it takes time. No one ever said it would be simple. The more I discover my own strengths and the more comfortable I feel in my "skin", the more love is in my heart...and the stronger my relationships become. I affirm and value people!!

Erik Erikson, in his writing about the Eight Ages of Man, described stages of human growth - and how each one of these must be successfully negotiated before we can move on to the next. If it does not happen, in some ways, we are "stuck" there. When I first read Erikson, I thought that the issue of trust vs. mistrust was what babies needed to develop in their first year or two of life. True as that is, as I get older and hopefully wiser, I have come to realize that anytime we enter into any new relationship, we are beginning with the "baby" stage and must learn to trust.

Think about people who don't have many successful relationships - or abused or neglected children who have never been responded to. They just don't know that their world is OK. They don't know that when they need something, a trusted caregiver will be there for them. We have a lot of work to do with our children. They come into the world ready to learn...and vulnerable. When we respond to them, they learn that we...and the world are ok...and they become secure and trust their world. When we don't...well...and we need to work on this with each other as well. You will hear us talking about the PARALLEL PROCESS a lot. Do unto others as you want others to do unto others.

One more point about relationships...and what Allison and I refer to in our work as "the dance". A colleague once said to me that relationships are not all about the dance. How wrong she was. See, I never to said to her that two people always dance in step. Relationships are always a dance but sometimes we just don't hear the same music or move to the same beat. There is the challenge. It is about respecting and listening and learning to move with the other person.

I have a dance partner in DARE to AFFIRM and I treasure her, yet Allison and I are still listening and learning each other's beat. That is what makes life special.

What tips do you have to share about trusting yourself and others in relationships? Write to us. catchthemright@aol.com

The Perfect Toy

2007-12-07T12:13:00.000-05:00

What is the most wonderful toy for young children - in fact for "children" of all ages?
It is all purpose and marvelously versatile. it is familiar, yet changing;
Full of surprises! It is adaptable but unyielding, and quite capable of reassurance.
It is composed of soft and hard as well as sparkling and dull materials.
It is complicated.
It is a machine for bouncing, fully equipped with an intricate sound mechanism.
Every child needs at least one.
WHAT IS IT??
Can you guess? Send us your responses at catchthemright@aol.com
Allison and I take at least one of these every time we do any type of presentation.
It creates a fun atmosphere and makes our time together well spent.

New Found Confidence

2007-12-06T08:51:00.000-05:00

Susan Fox Hirschman, a potter in Annadale, VA, shared this terrific story - the result of her naturally powerful teaching style as she engaged in private lessons with a young student.
"I got an incredibly moving phone message when I arrived home today. It was from the mom of one of my pottery students. Carol shared that her daughter Samantha's art teacher had seen a NEW YOUNG LADY this school year - full of confidence and a new desire to do art. Carol said she knows why. She knew that the private pottery lessons built self-confidence in Samantha because as her teacher, I told her that EVERYTHING WAS POSSIBLE and everything she did was wonderful!! I could focus on her and she was proud. There were no comparisons with other students...no feelings of 'not good enough' . By the time she came to pick up her final work 8 sessions later, she was so confident and proud...such a metamorphosis took place here. What an affirmation for me to hear this message about what I do naturally - engaging my students and believing in them. I let them know 'there are no mistakes'! All she needed was some supportive positive feedback to feel her worth and value. Samantha blossomed where she was planted! We never truly know the impact of our words and actions on others."
Thanks Susan for sharing your DARE to AFFIRM story with me! I know others will value it. Send us your stories like Susan did, so we can share your successes catchthemright@aol.com

Believing in SELF

2007-12-04T17:22:00.000-05:00

Personal Power
Sounds wonderful no?
But what is this power?
Who does it belong to?
And how does it happen?
Is it for you?
Is it for me?
Is it for everyone?
Do we all have it?
YES...IF we believe we do!!
We can come to know what power truly means
And how it belongs to everyone of us...
Each in our own very own unique and different ways
It is gentle
And affirming, giving us strength and value
It is Power WITHIN...not control over someone else.
And what magnificent happenings can come of recognizing and respecting our own power...and that of others?
PEACE
UNDERSTANDING
CARING
COMPASSION
And change -
Change in life and how people relate to each other
Change in how we see ourselves
Change in how we see others
and change in how we value and understand each other.
Who benefits?
WE ALL DO!!
DARE to AFFIRM and recognize your personal power!
You will be glad you did...And so will those in your world!!
Written by Martie
How do you recognize and use your personal power?
E-mail to: catchthemright@aol.com

Nurturing the Nurturer

2007-12-03T21:37:00.000-05:00

Do you nurture YOU? How do you do this?
If you don't care for yourself, how can you then
be strong to care for others?
Share these tips with others and we will post them:
catchthemright@aol.com